Bed...

One would think that laying in a bed alone, surrounded by pillows and the softest sheets on the planet, in my world anyway...that I would feel lonely...when lying beside the one you love who loves you not, arms pulling you in tight in what should be comforting and lovingly intimate moments but are just the extreme reminder of the pain of the day...the penultimate oxymoron....oh how I used to love the feel of those arms around me, belly pressed as closely to back as possible...until my heart began its slow spiral into the insanity of the situation, of the life created to control, manipulate, demean and degrade.

And then crawl into bed to be snuggled so tightly...oh the dichotomy, the irony, the bitter yet sweet reality...

Last night as I lay in bed, I lay in complete satisfaction of a day well lived...I worked the shortest day since deployment, only 7 hours and yet within those hours I accomplished much...said goodbyes to a vast mix of personalities and set my mind to accomplishing firewood this weekend...back to the bush roads and all the spots pinned to my internal map that boasted stacks of felled dead wood...armed with powersaw and gear I'll find a spot to sit and just enjoy the serene nature of the outdoors...let the peace and tranquility seep in after a time of gathering firewood.

I lay in bed and imagined my life over the next months...the challenges and growth yet to come, the maturity and wisdom gained through experience...the reflection of the kindnesses, love and compassion I've been blessed with shining from within...

I felt a peace and the most comforting of presences last night as I lay alone in my bed...it was beyond comprehension but just imagine sitting in the warmest, coziest bubble bath...the feeling of buoyancy combined with favourite smells, candles, surrounded by warmth and heat that warms the cold and chilled heart and soul.

That is what I felt as I lay beneath the warmth of a down duvet and extra blanket for weight...my heart rejoiced for no reason other than because I know that I am loved beyond measure...oh dear treasures...we are loved with a supernatural, endless love...from a creator who sees us as we are, as we will be and as we were...and loves us still, endlessly....

'I'm living proof of what the mercy of God can do....' Elevation Worship.

God is good my friends...no matter what you may believe in, or who...there is one who loves us with an everlasting love. It has hit home recently how short this life we live is...how quickly our world can change, tilt us off balance...

It is too short to live in torment...treated with less respect than an animal...

Life is meant for us to live and live abundantly....

We were created to move, to have purpose, to love and be truly loved in return...

You were meant for glorious things...meant to feel safe, cherished and accepted...

Oh they told you all those things in the beginning...in the beginning there was light and laughter and a sense of safety, of acceptance....until it was gone...poofed, twinkled, gone...

In its place...darkness and fear and a sense of disgust, distaste...shimmering moments of apology would appear, only to drift off as though a will-o-wisp in the wind....as one would chase after butterflies as a child, we chase those moments...desperate to believe this is the real person not the lie...not the fantasy...

Dear lost treasures...you are worth more than having to explain your worth, having to prove it and never quite reaching it....constantly grasping, begging...oh the begging....

Never again dear friends...never again....oh I have seen glimpses of my worth and it is good...it is lovely and one day I will be truly seen and cherished...one day.

This is what waits for you dear hearts...peace, a sense of worth that lives above sea level and small kernels of joy that encompass all you do...the light at the end of the tunnel is warmth, is love, is compassion and kindness...the journey may be brought with pitfalls, with valleys filled with bones, mountains that test your courage, but oh the joy to be seen, found, felt with each step, with each measure of growth and accomplishments...the peace that passes all understanding keep you dear friends. May the comforting arms of a loving Father surround you, hold you close....

Stand tall warriors...speak softly...walk proud, head held high...walk out your truth, speak it, live it each day...with the blessing of God.

...love saves us....