BIG...

He was a small man with a BIG ego...a man full of his own promise...

He was a twelve year old living in a stunted body with stunted emotional and mental regulatory system....

BIG in rages...large in tantrums...

BIG in lies, large and small...honed over years of practice and focus.

BIG in death, in darkness, in hidden secrets and hidden actions...

SMALL is the man who calls himself Dave, a small-town smoke-show, spinning wheels, going nowhere but down, down, down to the depths of hell.

SMALL is the intellect of the man who carries the name Ponte...never learning, never changing, only upping the level of torment for the next victim.

Small yet living large in his own deluded, twisted mind....

Dear treasures...this is not a tell-tale or litany of woe in a bid for sympathy...once again it comes down to spreading word regarding deeds done in the dark to prevent further trauma, perhaps even death.

Skills do not make a MAN...

The ability to overpower a woman do NOT make you a man; rather the ability to harness that power, to control, to use only for protection places you in that category.

Charm does not make a MAN...

Greasy as a snake slithering through foliage and rock to suddenly spring upon the unwary; spouting promises and all things that makes a man, yet fulfilling not a whit of what runs helter skelter from lying lips.

Dear friends...let actions dictate who and what they truly are.

When actions do not meet words spoken...ever...not only is this a giant red flag, it is the precursor for what is truly meant for your future with the monster.

Lies...rages...childish tantrums...critical judgements...betrayals...cheating...

A never ending merry-go-round with no way out but down....down to depths you never thought possible, but suddenly there you are.

Just as I wondered each day whether this would be the day I died, I imagine the small mind, housed in tiny brain pan, thought of all the fun he would have that day, tearing down to feel powerful. Insults couched in jokes to chip away at confidence, at self...

Take a step back and survey all that is happening to you, the actions that speak louder than words ever can.

Take a step back and consult with that small child with hands held out in front of them; to protect, to ward off...

You ARE worthy of more...

You ARE worthy of truth, of honesty, of commitment...

You ARE worthy, at the very least, basic human kindness...worthy of all that you put out: to love, to befriend, to give compassion and mercy, to sit in long-suffering and forgiveness, and so much more.

God does NOT ask us to carry the burden of saving the unsaveable. That is HIS job; to do the impossible, the improbable, the 'never going to happen.'

There is NO healing within this sort of relationship, no path to being whole once again in the pit.

Get out and let God do the rest.

Find peace, seek joy and hope, a safe place to lay your head and any under your care.

For every minute with the abuser, multiply days, weeks, months, for coming out from under.

Damages accumulate at a distressing rate with each day that passes; doubling down as each hit falls upon the last.

This is what I have found along this path to wholeness, to feeling complete once more; peace, love, kindnesses, compassion, and mercy.

And still...it sucks...no hiding truth here dear friends...doing the work to find yourself once again is a season of highs and lows; ice-cold mountain tops and humid bug-filled valleys.

However, I'll tell you this. It is done with a knowing, an understanding that I was finally safe to do so. No more fear of Dave's fists, knees, elbows, head, hands round my throat...

Safe...free from fear of the Ponte perversity waiting to rear its ugly head, in whatever form was necessary for that moment to feel all powerful, the master, self-proclaimed god of his own universe.

God IS good dear treasures...He will take you through, guide and lead you to safety as He did the Israelites out of Egypt.

'The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.' Psalm 23

Never have these words been truer, more real, more for these moments...

I called out and He heard me...

I called out and He saved me from a '6-feet under' certain future.

I live today by the Grace of God.

Each day a gift...

May your feet find a path to freedom...may God guide your steps each day...