Dis...

Dissociation...Depersonalization...Derealization....the fight or flight or freeze responses...the moments of anger at the injustice of the system, a system that has bastardized until it sits heavily upon the victim...favor, understanding and a patience worthy of Biblical times and values sits lightly upon the perpetrator.

Leave it all behind...let it go...move on with your life...may God forgive me if those words ever accidentally fall from my lips in a moment of ignorance and lack of knowledge.

These words delay, derail, defeat the survivor... cuts them off at the knees, places a fun house mirror front and centre to trip and deceive...

Back into the pit you go...oh the way becomes easier each time we are bodily picked up and thrown into the garbage and refuse of a pit built just for us...slowly, oh so slowly the heart and mind mend enough to bounce words of impatience, disgust (yes, even disgust), distaste, and misguided instruction to the ground to be stomped on in equal measure.

I love you...I hate you...I love you...I deceive you...I love you...I betray you...I love you...I beat you casually, passionately...I loooooove you bear....I berate you...beat you....love you....I scream, rant and rage...

Yes I know, I professed my love for you just seconds ago, but keep up...tomorrow or the next day depending on my mood, the raging inferno will have burned out and I'll pretend none of it happened....dissociation is born somewhere in amongst all this refuse, all this minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day inclusion, seclusion, instruction...

Like droplets of mold spores hitting the perfect medium, the personality...the essence of the victim goes under and dissociation checks in, growing under the Friday Night Lights, under the heat and fire of rage and conversely, silence. Oh the silent treatment...what a calm understatement that is...the silence is deafening, frightening, overwhelmingly lonely...

But...I love you bear....

And so the cycle is complete...from love to hate to myriad abuses and back to love....

Confusion reigns supreme as the victim swims for their lives in water as cold as the Pacific...stolen from the warmth of comfort, love, lies and illusion and plunged into the equally as confusing cycle of rage and hate and its icy waters...

Patience...

Love...

Kindness....

Compassion...

Words of affirmation and encouragement...steady and consistent will break the chains...it will my friends... months...years...the break will come when the truth lays heavier than the lies...when the comfort of love and acceptance pushes the illusion, the fallacy, the devastating words spoken, away...

They open the skies above, shower down love upon the heart and mind and soul of the lost one until one day they wake as from a dream and truly see...

The courage to move, to leave, to run....ah dear friends...to highlight and explain the steps necessary...the absolute weight of the world of fear resting on your shoulders as you move, as you run, as you take that forever step...not like those other times, no...this time forever gone...it requires everything you have, it requires digging deeper than ever before and then moving...just movement to the exit, to the door of freedom....escape the only thought in the moment.

The pain...the sorrow...the weight shifts from fear to a drowning grief...and you scream, you cry as you drive....

The system is broken...I knew this going in, or going out ha...and still I have been surprised, shocked, dismayed and disgusted by the lack of understanding, by the utter lack of interest of the system. It is a cold barren master and cares not your name, your story, your pain...it is overloaded and cares only to spit out the numbers, send the masses back out the door.

Spend a day...a day only. I encourage you friends and family... to take a day and sit in a courtroom carrying the criminal cases and you will see frightening numbers of women (and occasionally men) sitting in the witness chair, speaking their story.

Horrifyingly epidemic....it gives you understanding of the broken nature of our system...but more, it gives an idea of the scope, the breadth and width of sheer numbers going through each day.

I would speak for the victims today and each day...speak truth so eyes may see...so ears may hear...it is time dear treasures...it is time for women to take a stand...time for the abused to move, to gather together and stand for the innocent, for the women who go missing, the children...dear god, the children. My heart stutters in horror, in sorrow for the innocent.

God is good my friends...He is long-suffering....He is also a God of statutes, of principles, of honour and character, of Justice...and it is time.

Time to bring justice dear hearts...time to stand for ourselves and for the women (men) and children suffering, and more...going unheard, unseen....

I leave this with you today...in hope, in prayer that the fight will be taken up by many, that those who are unaware will see and comprehend.

May you go in love today...may you see the need and give kindness and compassion...

May your hearts bend an ear to the broken and lost...

Stand tall, stand proud dear treasures...walk tall, walk proud and speak your truth, with kindness, with patience and compassion. It is your story...your path to choose, your life to make...seek within and find that tiny spark, speak words of love and encouragement and watch it grow, watch it become a fire inside your chest...be wise, be smart and carry a big stick...this fight is in you, the strength and courage is within you, do not give up on hope.