See

What should I have seen...what should have been done with what was seen, understood, perceived....dear hearts...the hardest part of leaving a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship is the acknowledging that something is truly, truly wrong and twisted.

The seeing, acknowledging are the precursors, are the harbingers of emotional shut-down...the death of self...the sabotage of sanity...

You see, despite the knowledge of the evil within the person, we are trained, manipulated, brain-washed, mind-f*cked, traumatized into believing we are prisoners...stuck...caged...

We are convinced over a slow period of time, with starburst moments of trauma and out of this world rage, that we are nothing and no one...do you see where I am going with this? The truth is, the monster in your life, in your relationship is not you...it is them...

They are nothing...they are no one...they live with a vast dark emptiness, a black hole of consciousness and cowardliness that vampiric-ally sucks their victims dry....

The urgency is to fill it....to feed it...to never allow the voice inside their head, their psyche to speak, to utter thoughts and words of the ceaseless pain that screams from within.

They must seek out distractions, noise, fleeting pleasures, adulation and adoration from whoever and wherever they can.

It explains so much my friends...the braggadocio, the false ego...the bragging of exploits and successes with jobs, money, friends...the dropping of names and knowledge of people....they know more than anyone else and in order to maintain the momentary peace in their heads they must stay at the top of the mountain, in control at all times.

My heart aches for the next victim....my mind reels at what I know must be happening...the devaluing that will come, the anger and physical violence that will make an appearance...first as wrestling, play fighting....then ramped up until you're shaking and not sure why...the intrinsic violence behind it, the need to subjugate controls their every move....

I grapple with the secret ingredient that will help you find your way out...the words that will inspire you, motivate you, encourage you to run....

One day it will be too much...or you will not walk away, nor run.

The options are limited dear treasures....there is no winning the race with the toxic person in your life...no amount of prayer, of fasting, of pain and suffering, of kindness and compassion, of a love that pours out only to spill upon the ground, discarded as easily as we are...no amount will love this person into healing, into loving, into thinking of you first.

I knew this...that if I did not leave I would be leaving without my sanity or leaving in a box....

Two options that did not suit me...thankfully....

We are worthy sweet friends, worthy of love...of basic human kindness....every moment of everyday. Worthy....of the love we bring, of the commitment we live by, of the acceptance and grace we extend....worthy.

Take your stand my friends...wisely and with forethought plan your escape from what is killing you. Walk proud, stand tall and speak your truth with grace, with dignity....

'Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.' Matthew 10:16

May God bless you today and each day forward with indefatigable strength, with unassailable wisdom, with boundless courage....walk out your path, your destiny...