Fire...

It's hard to fathom with the chill of fall filling the air, leaves quickly turning colour, that fire still rages in the province. Day one of a second deployment to wildfires and I marvel at nature and all its mysteries. Following along behind a gentleman classed as a wildfire specialist, my team member and I rattled and bumped and sped our way out to the back of beyond to meet up with contractors, fallers, firefighters, medics and all class of worker bees doing their level best to, if not beat the fire, at least control it to some extent.

I thank God for His grace in providing the experience of driving Forest Service Roads and dealing with radios, traffic, graders, wildlife and one really large black and white cow on the side of the road.

I think of faith...I contemplate grace...I think on purpose, on goals, on my place in this world.

It was my oldest sons birthday yesterday...one son in Europe, one working in the bush and a daughter working and helping raise two lovely children and I marvel...I sit in awe of God's grace, of His love for us all. I am reminded of what life was before...how roles change as we age and as our children grow...no longer are we just 'moms,' we now have the honour of 'grama' to light our days.

I confess that I live each day with an over attuned sensitivity to the emotions residing in my chest, to the heart felt moments... joys are deeply felt, sorrows a weight upon my spirit, love a balm to a weary soul...

Every morning I rise to greet the day that grows darker and welcome the dawn as I sit in a home built on peace, on love, on honesty and healing. I sit with my coffee and open the bible at my elbow...I speak to God...I often cry silent tears with a heart full of thankfulness...often allowing tears to fall that represent what I lost, what I hoped for, longed for....wrong person, wrong time....ah my heart beats in time with the sorrow slipping down my cheeks....

Oh dear hearts...it will beat this way for a time, only for a time...until the heart begins to beat in time with joy, with laughter, with grace and kindness and with a sometimes sorrow.

The heart learns to sing a new song...it learns how to breathe once again in peace....

The mind reroutes neural pathways to forge ahead, to leave behind the dreams of the past, to create new hopes and goals. That one you loved my friends...love will remain, sorrow will come in the thinking of them but it will not stay...this is what forgiveness does, this is what love truly does. It promotes growth...it enables healing...it sets your feet on high places and back on a journey of goodness and light.

I turned my face to the sun yesterday atop a mountain surrounded by death and destruction...one side smoking and burning the other filled with ash and blackness...I looked out over the landscape and the miles upon miles of burnt ground and saw my life over the past four years...

What comes after the purifying fire dear treasures? New growth...tender green shoots pushing through soil laden with nutrients from the ash and breakdown of plants and trees. It is a cycle....we burn off the old dross and make room for new gold, repairing cracks and scars...rebuilding, renewing life within a broken and lost soul.

It was not lost upon me yesterday as I surveyed the damage and then turned to the sooty, dusty, tired men waiting. Words of encouragement passed my lips and jokes spoken amongst us to alleviate the seriousness of the situation. We see, we know, we feel...we compartmentalize and put aside to better handle the battles yet to come.

This morning as I ready for another day out on the Holy Cross and Bobtail Forest Service Roads with a team member I seek Gods face and His love...this calms my mind, soothes my soul, brings me back from the precipice, always. Dear treasures...He is faithful to help you...to bring you through the fire unscathed, to stand beside you in battle.

Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Go with God today and every day forward. May you know His mighty Hand in your life, in your circumstances.