Home...

If home is where the heart is then the heart has many homes...stepping into the childhood home of a dear friend and into a warm embrace, I felt the click of a lock slipping into place...'and just like that I'm home.' Tears flowed between us and the feeling of being safe, being loved where we're at...always and forever. Two and a half hours did not feel long enough, however, within that time bonds forged over the years were discovered to have held fast, to have deepened with age...with experience...with distance.

I have grown stronger...found my footing...oh the victory felt, the dance of joy in my spirit as I trepidatiously continue to walk out my purpose...no matter the fear, no matter the discomfort at times, I walk dear hearts...I run toward my destiny, toward freedom from fear and true peace and contentment.

Time spent with family had me giving thanks for the moments with my forever friend...the foundation set in stone, a foundation of love and grace, of pride and courage...I sat and thought to speak truth as I choked on nothing...I choose to believe that as one sat silent beside me, refusing to join in the laughter and pointed fingers at my discomfort...I choose to believe it was not done in maliciousness...but oh...the knowledge, discernment and wisdom necessary to know when to speak the truth...instead I remained somewhat silent and held tight to dignity, to grace, to mercy, to forgiveness....

You see my friends...trauma will find a way up and out if not given release, if not dealt with and even then...the brain fires on past moments....choking on a brush of food at the back of the mouth, or on that drink of water going down too quickly, or nothing at all...each represents being choked, silenced in real time. Once, twice, three times a week I experience these awkward moments...walking away to deal quietly, coughing and choking on the past....flashing back to times best forgotten.

Once again dear hearts I hope you hear my heart...I hope you understand the ramifications of what your loved one has experienced and give grace and patience and loving kindness.

We so often unknowingly place expectations upon the survivor....expectations of being normal, of climbing out of the pit and standing like Rocky at the top of the 72 steps in Philadelphia, conquered and triumphant. The truth is we would be crawling the last few steps and collapsing in triumph, in joy at finally reaching the top, however we would be far from normal... :).

These moments will happen....and the beloved family members, friends, co-worker...none have control over when it happens...the heart, the mind, the spirit, all fire together whenever the pressure builds and spills over into work places, home places, grocery places, live event places...well, you get the idea. I encourage your loving kindness to those you meet, to those you see struggling...oh dear hearts...I have been blessed most of these times to be either alone in God's creation, at home, or at work with kind hearts and open minds.

Yesterday was an example of one understanding something wasn't right....while others responded indifferently, in laughter ....ah to have the discernment in season, in each moment. Hear me my friends, I do not judge...I understand that sometimes we just miss the mark...we miss the opportunity to extend grace and compassion.

My encouragement to the victims/survivors is this...do not fret...do not fear...do not take it personally...it is not easy, but my dear treasures...they do not know...is that not so? They do not know the true horror, the sheer fear that closed up your throat, the hands that tightened round....if they knew they would stand with you in your pain...instead they make light to ease their discomfort.

My encouragement to family, to friends, to co-workers....look closer...pay attention to the signs....or at the very least do not be part of the teasing, for it sinks deep within an already damaged psyche and strikes at the heart. It collides with past words, with past deeds and can open up cuts, tears and wounds once again....wounds they have worked so hard to heal, to close up, to allow scar tissue to form.

Go in love my friends...always....

Go in grace, in dignity, in truth...walk tall, stand proud and hold your head high...you are a child of God...a warrior...a wounded soldier fresh from the battlefield....walk out from that place of battle and embrace peace, embrace joy, embrace your worth....