Hope

Time has a way of, not erasing, but easing memories down a long line of life events; moments of joy, of grace, of humility and compassion, gently sifting and washing heart and soul clean.

Time has a way of building hope back into an equation that sat at zero squared...faith the size of a mustard seed receives soft rain to water stone-dry ground, until what springs up and out is strong and green, reaching and seeking upward for life-giving sun.

So it is with heart and mind of survivors of the most hideous crimes committed upon a person...so it is with a heart rent and cleaved in pieces by one who promised love, gentleness and safety...so it is with a mind fractured, broken down by degrees until no longer recognizable.

Dear, dear treasures still mired in the pit...this is NOT your future...this is not your lot, nor your cross to bear. It is THEIR'S...their responsibility...each and every action committed against you, physically or mentally, belongs on the abusers plate. There are no 50/50 numbers, no equal sharing in accountability within an abusive dynamic.

Oh, some will tell you different...

At one time I had a long time Pastor tell me so; despite knowing the hardships, the emotional, mental and physical abuses happening within the home...

'Maureen, all marriages are a 50/50 split.'

'This is NOT a normal marriage!'

'Ok, 70/30 then.'

My friends...there is no such thing as equal shares in a relationship filled with fear, with shame, with constant and consistent abuses, with toxicity seldom seen beyond mind-control, brain-washing techniques perfected by secret policing in the deepest levels of hell.

No fifty-fifty split when all control belongs to the 'head of the family.'

The lie, my dear lost ones, is this: women must submit, obey their husbands in all things.

Submit means support, NOT subjugation.

Patriarchy and misogyny is alive and well in many churches and infects a police force that has forgotten its long-buried code of conduct and task-efficient purviews.

We are at such an all time high in domestic abuses, assaults and murders of women that it has officially, yes officially, reached epidemic status. To such an extent that our Government has hired Psychiatrists to delve into the devolution of our Country's police, Justice system, and Crown Counsel.

Tasked with conducting interviews of survivors...but only those who have gone through the system...numbers suggest that 90% of victims do not report their assaults, domestic or otherwise, due to a lack of faith in a corrupt system and fear of deathly reprisal.

Hope falters at moments in light of overwhelming numbers, numbers not near accurate due to unreported DA's, assaults, rapes...it falters but does not fail...change MUST come my friends, it must.

1 out of 10 men are abusive at home...

Once again an inaccurate count due to lack of reporting, however, it gives an idea of the scope of our country's issue and many others across the globe.

If we take just ten percent of twenty million (the current estimation for the population of men in Canada), that is TWO MILLION men at the very least that abuse their wives, partners, gf's.

Let that sink in for a moment...within your circle of friends someone is abusing their partner at home, behind closed doors. You most likely have seem some evidence of this abuse and have looked the other way...when I look back to those few who knew a tiny bit of what was happening within my home and did nothing, said nothing it speaks volumes.

Oh, and so much more than that. Criticism for an older brother speaking up and confronting about abandoning his sister and four small children in an unknown city....in that moment, my oldest was my hero, my champion...only to be trampled into the dirt of recrimination and rebuke from said Pastor while I sat in disbelief and shock.

This...oh my friends...this is NOT your future and should not be your present.

You are worthy of basic human kindness and if that is not happening within your home, it is wrong...If nothing you say changes the game plan, if nothing you speak up about is being taken seriously, it is not you.

Love seeks change...

Love seeks to repair broken places, not create them...

Love seeks to mend wrongs, not heap one upon the other in a long line of pain and sorrow...

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 'Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.'

This is Love...if we cannot hold this up and see a close approximation to our partnered-up lives, then is it right? Is it good? No...it is a lie, a farce of highest magnitude.

My fervent prayer today is that each one will see the light, see the TRUTH of their situation and take pains to get out.

Is there a chance for reconciliation in some of these relationships?

I believe so...but, and its a gigantic BUT, only if they do not fall into a narcissistic category...

But...and this is hard to get past when feeling shame, have they shown any qualities that would lead you to believe they can, and more importantly, will, change?

The percentages here are small dear hearts...abuse typically comes from those who NEED it to feel in control, who desperately NEED it to feel joy and happiness.

Oh yes, it describes monsters does it not? Anyone who would need to see your suffering in order to achieve happiness?

No chance...only God.

And while God is doing the work, you should be free...

Free to live with peace in the home...

Free to live with joy in the home....

Free to live without fear of death, of torture, of raging toddlers seeking your demise in every way.

Find your way my friends...find your way free to life without fear...it is worth the sorrow, the pain of seemingly cleaving a relationship in two...and this is where I finally accepted that I wasn't the one tearing apart a partnership already in ruins, already torn to nothing... as I was.

Few speak on how unbelievably difficult it is to walk away, to run as far away as possible...

Shame upon shame of a failed relationship, despite it not being your fault...

A relationship built upon fear, upon control, upon manipulation is no partnership...it is a prison replete with said petrifying prison warden wielding a massive stick...

May you find your way dear treasures...to peace, to freedom from fear...

You are worth it...worthy of love, of kindness and compassion, of grace and a safe place to land.

That, that is love.