Lies...

The abusers....the victims...

This is so seldom talked about... the lies within a relationship with a narcissist and/or sociopath/pyschopath. The knowledge is common that abusers lie to support their fantasy world, their second, third, and fourth lives hidden behind the mask.

Lies are like breathing for the abuser... that infamous joke concerning lawyers only lying when their lips are moving...this is appropriate to the monster you live with or have lived with in the past.

What is not so commonly spoken of are the lies that come from the victim. The lies that are found out by the abuser, created by the abuser and become a ready fuel for the fires of anger.

The little white lie that you would not talk to any men on the job site...a promise forced from your lips to appease the abuser; each of you knowing full well that speaking to men on a job site predominantly male staffed is hundred percent going to happen.

You see what happens here? The lie is forced upon the victim and later used to shift blame and to abuse in anger, all the while being lied to daily about anything and everything;

I don't have dating sites...

I don't watch porn...or jerk off...I never do that shit...

I don't pay for live strip chat or live sex chat...

I don't receive texts from women and lie about it, I always tell you... literally mins after I saw a text conversation he hadn't told me about... ah the delusions of grandeur...

I love you... this was my favourite...

My phone was hacked, that's why the porn sites....

I don't know who the friend request women are that constantly show up on my single Facebook account...

I didn't flirt with or talk dirty to the neighbour right in front of you...you are imagining things...

I never cheated....

You're the liar.... another fan favourite...

I'm sure that, like me, you could fill a book with the lies told, big or small...and still the lie you worry about is the one you told to prevent another beating; physically or verbally, mentally or emotionally.

The lies to your family, or to that predominantly male staff, that the bruises came from falling down your scary stairs...

The lies by omission...because you truly believed that emailing staff at work was, you know...ok, normal even.

This is what goes unsaid and unspoken of...

Lying becomes a survival mechanism that, if you're not lucky, becomes more fuel for the fires of hell.

Lying haunts you despite being able to count on one hand the number of times you lied within a 3 year span...you believe the mind-f*ckery that tells you that you, the problem lays within you...

Dear hearts...this subject is by far the hardest for me to explain, to put down in words.

The hardest to understand and compute in a world filled with confusion, chaos and a cacophony of clashing symbols.

You lied to survive....

This is something an abuser will never understand... They lie...and cheat...and betray their way through the relationship and yet.... as soon as they reveal a truth they didn't know, it is the end of the world. Full stop. Their entire world comes crashing down and oh, the irony in the mess that follows...for a mess of machiavellian mysogynistic machinations it is...

The irony is this.... they created the terrifying abusive cycle...they created the lie as surely as if it came from their own lips.

That lie may have been a year old, or two....and it happened yesterday. For the Abuser and the Victim...

From the survivor perspective...the need for honesty and truthfulness is paramount to our mental health...and it is denied minute by minute, day by day and so, the victim agonizes over the lie necessary to survive.

I made many promises to myself during that toxic time...

The most important came (see previous post on self respect) when I could no longer stand my own fear, my own lies, my own lack of self-respect and began to speak my truth. In doing so I reaped the consequence physically, mentally and emotionally and yet...truth became my salvation, my bulwark against the enemy within and without. Only Truth...no lies....I refused to add to an already burgeoning truckload of garbage in my psyche.

Dear hearts, the monster in your life cannot admit to lies...cannot face the truth about himself...this would be the death of his alter ego, his false self....

The monster does not see that this road leads to salvation...to life... to love.

Grace and mercy...

Love and compassion...

These tools, these inner workings will prevail.

I know you're listening from the other side So here I come, no longer will I hide Your guns are pointed straight at me Love always wins

I had it all, but I burned it down If we don't get lost, then we don't get found Love always wins.... Micheal w. Smith

Some way...somehow...Love always wins...Justice prevails...

Stay strong dear friends, do not give up on hope...do not give up on your truth...be safe but find a way to speak your truth and watch as you rise from the depths, back into the light...free from fear of reprisal, free from fear... this is truth. Capture it, cling to it and claim your life back.