Self...

Chilly early mornings, hot cup of heaven and a dog by my side, as we stand and listen to loons upon a misty lake; what more could a woman ask for? 'Peace like a river flows...' within heart and mind, soul and spirit.

I had occasion this morning to stand in place and say a resounding no to something fairly simple within a not so simple situation with a co-worker. After years of learning the rigors, stresses and traps of end-game, front-game and from-out-of-left-field game from one of the best at cons and traps and the detrimental effects upon myself and my children, I spot these attempts within nano-seconds.

The issue remains to this day the trust and belief in peoples best selves that trips me up and causes me to stumble. I can say no now and have trained myself to take a moment to think, however, there are times that this new woman speaks without pause and today was one of those days.

In those moments following, I take the encounter out and hit rewind/replay over and over again to be sure selfishness was not at play.

Shouldn't I have helped this man out?

Shouldn't I have been loving and kind and taken his offer?

No...a big resounding no.

It is a tough scenario to explain as the clues are subtle, most of the time, and the game cunning in its nature and attempts.

'I don't mind if you're late, doesn't bother me a bit!' - proceeds to be late within the first few days of working the job, and repeats it again the next week even after I told him 'I actually have a hard time with being late.'

'Can you talk to the big boss for me about (insert reason here)?' Then critisizes and analyses the outcome of that chat and heretofore leaves it to lay in the dirt.

'Can you do this little thing for me?' That little thing becomes a big thing within a day or two.

Games...seemingly sincere people present themselves as someone who you believe would never try to walk over you, take advantage of you...

I will tell you as a Gen x and as a new woman walking, I TIRE of the games, of the subterfuge to the point that I will address it.

Though I may cringe, I will stand as an outspoken person in order to protect from those who would mold and shape you to their standards in order to better their existence, without giving out anything in return.

It is here I struggle...we are taught in church and in some fields, that we should come togther and help one another. Absolutely right...but not always.

Discernment is key.

Wisdom is key.

Knowledge is key.

For too long the compassionate, the empathetic, the loving are taken for rides they didn't sign up for. Depleting themselves in order to buoy up others, in order to do what they feel is right in the eyes of God. I'll tell you my friends, I do not believe God has asked us to lay down to be walked upon. He HAS asked us to love others as ourselves, to be kind, to be compassionate, to be STRONG, to be good stewards of our time and what we have.

End of story.

This is where victims and survivors find a battle waged within mind and heart.

What is right?

What is too much?

What boundaries need I break down, and which should be reinforced?

Time...it's a handy catch phrase and yet in many, many circumstances it stands as truth.

We learn as we go...

We learn as we heal...

We learn as we begin to stand for that woman/child within that has undergone tremendous challenges amid violent encounters. Amid tumultuous raging loved ones...

It is right and it is good to stand tall, shoulders back, head held high; a confidence of self that begins only with a step, a foot placed and not moved, a will and promise to see and do new things, an inkling of a new life filled with light and purpose.

These things are good...

2 Timothy 1:7: "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline."

Power, love and a sound mind all come from erecting a standard atop the mountain and not moving from it. That takes discipline, it takes purposeful thinking and action.

Be mindful my friends that you do not attempt to break down these standards when survivors erect them. They are new boundaries and the reinforcement of them will come from those who love, those who stand beside and with them. Then watch them grow and glow with new life.

Stand your ground dear treasures, you are worthy of all that is good, of all that is kind and compassionate.