Time...

So many moments, minutes, hours, days, months, years fly by and every so often I stop and look back on the path that has led me here to this spot today....I allow the memories, good and bad, to surface and watch as each one passes across my mind in full technicolor and dolby sound....the days my children were small...as each one hit adulthood, the maturity of purpose...of character each developed along the way...the relationships forged in fire, some burned beyond repair...some enveloped in gold and silver and shining like a beacon...the men I allowed in my life for good or bad but nonetheless for my growth...the lessons learned...the pain, the sorrow pushing me to search deep, to dive into the dross left behind and find the markers that signify a need for change...

Dear hearts....this morning I sit with my hot cup of heaven and I hurt...I feel so damn deeply every day and this...this is what I have fought against as far back as I can remember...that ferocious little girl disappeared at some point to become one who merged, melded, evolved for survival, for peace....I watched closely for the emotions of others that would tell me which way the moment would go...I picked up on the subtlest of cues for sanity in the most horrific of circumstances....I know so many...friends, strangers, family...who have gone through the same, have adapted to fit in...to belong....consistently pushing the real, the true, the person they are in order to keep the peace... in order to be loved....to feel a part of the whole...

I stand here today and survey the path of least resistance and the neon markers when everything within me rose up to resist, finally....and the eventual fallout....

Today I stand and declare no longer...no more pushing the true me down to keep the peace...to fit in...to belong somewhere...to be loved....dear treasures, we will either be loved for who we are or we will not...and the will not's will fall by the wayside to be gently sifted by the winds of change...and we will stand tall and proud...accepting the woman (man) we were always meant to be...we may not always be in a safe place to do so...but this movement inside each heart will lead you there...God will make a way...and provide the strength, the comfort, the immeasurable Love to do so.

I know of which I speak...and know that the path ahead is filled with uncertainty...with trepidation...for some it has been so many years of minimizing themselves that the true self is faint, is a substance of an almost fictional quality....but it is there my friends...it is there waiting on your purpose, your steadfastness, your determination to just...be.

It may seem strange to some...though others will know exactly what I speak of...I keep a moment by moment tally in my mind of things I love, like, abhor or greatly dislike...adding up the positives to the 'this is me' column...this is what I love...slowly building up the person, the child that lives within me...giving myself...giving that small abandoned child room to grow, room to truly know who they are...In God all things are possible...all things....coming back to our true selves seems insurmountable...the mountain too high...the desert too dry....that ocean of emotion, of loss, of grief too large to cross....I would tell you today that it is possible....doable...crossable...climbable...swimmable....one small slice of time...not the whole, oh no...one small moment at a time....before you know it, the ocean has been crossed, that mountain conquered, the desert crossed in leaps and bounds...greenery left behind each step...ground watered that was desolate....the valley of bones a veritable lush landscape....

This is the miracle sweet friends....dear lost ones....anything is possible with God...each circumstance an obstacle that can and will be crossed....remember this, do not overwhelm with the whole of all that needs to be renewed...with all that needs healing and the comforting balm of love, kindness and compassion. Some days it will seem only one step has been taken...one small stitch in the torn fabric of your soul, your spirit....ah dear hearts, believe in your place in this world...the beauty you bring to each situation as you are...

You are loved beyond your wildest imaginations....created for a purpose, as you are....

My prayer for you today is that you would step out in the sure knowledge of God's love for you...His protection...His comfort...that you would know deep down how incredible you are, how beautifully made....take it in dear hearts...it is healing this knowledge....

May you know your worth today and every day forward...may you see that child within and give them all the love you've always needed...the acceptance you've always sought after...the sense of belonging you've always craved....

You belong my friends...you are perfect as you are....loved, accepted...cherished.

God bless you today...bless you and keep you safe in His loving hands...Waymaker is He...Miracle worker....Light of life and love...able to deliver you from the pit...reaching down a mighty Hand to pull you from the depths...He is able in all things...

I have not spoke of my experiences of fear, of despair, of near death moments...but I would have you understand that I speak from a place of true knowing...and true seeing the Hand of God in those moments...the protection of His angels, their hands in my life as I thought it was the end for me...and the love I felt for my children as I readied myself for death...God had other plans...everything is possible...every thing....this I testify to... having seen the mighty Hand of God in my life...

So go today dear friends and know...you too can be saved...God will make a way...He IS a miracle worker...the bringer of light to the darkness...