A Blur...

The morning is dark as I rise from bed this morning, blearily stumble to the kitchen to start the coffee and I think my mood matches the darkness. Kettle started I head back to the living room and flick on my reading lamp...the metaphor is not lost on me.

With a flick of a switch we can change the direction of our thoughts...corral the dark horses and release the light. I've had many conversations over the last few days, most good...uplifting, sharing of grief and extending compassion and comfort. One bad conversation and I was reminded of all the ways in which I've stepped out of toxicity. Life...God...however you may view it, gives...creates situations that require growth, require growing pains...

My first inclination is to step back...to take myself out of the equation to maintain peace...avoid confrontation and unrest...

Today will be filled with work...peaking in around the edges and poking my psyche will be unavoidable thoughts of family and grief, of frustration and anger and how I may do better, offer comfort without overstepping.

I move in a sense of disbelief and watch as people continue their lives around me...this was talked about, the zombie feel of being part of this world and yet not. The world is never the same after death...a hole exists that never fills and so it shouldn't. In our grief we carry them with us.

Go today dear hearts and remember to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you...extend kindness and compassion where you can....life truly is short and should not be spent in regret, in remorse, in tears and fearful of what that day will bring.

We are, each of us, worthy of so much love...so much grace and mercy.