A Tumble down the Rabbit Hole

June 23rd

I took a fall, a looooong fall down the rabbit hole. Fell off the wagon and hit hard.

The interesting fact here, is that the 'going back' may include just chatting, or my favourite.... 'talking things through.' It may also be actually going back and trying to have a conversation and once again.... fml..... attributing common sense and logic and reason to that person who will never ever, and I mean EVER, think like you do. You bestow upon them the heart that you call upon while they wait to pounce on any small thing you do in order to bring you back into the fold, under their control once more.

The scene is the same, the words completely un-original.... you've heard it all before.

This time I was pushed down and then yelled at, screamed at and verbally abused for over 6 hours; then came the suicide threats and plowing his head into a window and breaking it into a million pieces.

And who is to blame for all of the drama, anger and vitriol? why you are of course.

I was blamed for every hit, every bruise, every horrible word spoken.... they were a reaction to the things I said or did. Therefore, understandable. Do you see where I'm going with this? You are NOT to blame for their reactions or actions. Let that sink in.

I woke from a dream and realized that this man is never ever going to change; my sanity would fly out the window and I would lose my family and career.

Everything must revolve around them and if anything in your life threatens that dominion, the threats begin and you drop one more thing that belongs to you.

so dear dear hearts, I beg of you. Do not make that mistake. Listen to that still small voice that is no longer whispering but rather screaming inside of your head. Turn around and run.... run.

You are the most important thing in your life, you! Be gentle and take care of yourself.

God speed you on your way.