Adrift...

I sit adrift, lost yet not lost...

I sit with awareness, yet free from mooring, from anchoring in one point on the compass...

I sit with purpose, with present moment thinking yet awash in memories of former times...perhaps to remind me, perhaps to draw me back from the precipice...

My days glide by in joys, in sometimes sorrows...I live in thankfulness, in gratitude for where God has brought me...through valleys so deep the sun was lost, over mountains so high I forgot how to breathe, traversing oceans so vast my heart grew faint and irregular bumping along in time with the ebb and flow of current and wind.

Yesterday was a testament to growth as with my crew we loaded up and hit the back country roads, animals crossing our paths, eagles and hawks winging their way to food or home over our heads.

Once again back into country close to past events; frightening events and horrific behaviours explained away by my lack, my uselessness, my inability to do anything the way it should be done. I felt not a whit of emotion driving near the hell home plunked down on property littered with junk. Straight out of a movie full of hillbillies, banjo's and terror.

I felt nothing...nada...zip and oh how I rejoiced...onward dear treasures, always moving forward into the fray finding our feet beneath us, steady as she goes, holding to our compass heading to freedom, to peace, to love and joy beyond our imaginings. First to ourselves...giving compassion, forgiveness and a release of shame to the heart that sits so heavy.

Slowly dear friends...slowly we find our new path, our new way clear to a brighter future, to a present that is filled with peace rather than chaos, joy rather than weeping, kindness in place of cruelty...oh I see it each day, feel it from those I work with, family, forever friends, complete strangers taking time to give a word of encouragement, of sweetness that sets your feet to fly, to lift off above the mundane, the droll...

May your steps lead you home...whatever home that may be, wherever that may be, with whomever you choose...God is faithful dear treasures...He never leaves nor forsakes...He seeks your peace, your comfort, your sure footing in unsure times.

May your heart find the little joys that fill the soul, mend the spirit...