Anger...

This morning as I stand quietly with Max the Moose overlooking the beauty of open water surrounded by forest, I am reminded of the inner anger present within my heart and spirit. The righteous anger of seeing abuse, belittling, criticizing, and bullying kindles a low burning fire into a flashfire of some note. My mind crystallizes each second into freeze frames...moments pass in slow motion while my heart doubles its beat within my chest...I think of a thousands way to deal in the moment while knowing full well I may very well choose none of the options firing shots across the bow of my mind.

This morning the anger was something I have been fighting for almost two years and it involves none other than maxi-moose. He is want to excitement, to a prey drive unlike any other dog i've owned before, to the need to run and run and run; which all usually involve escape, freedom.

I similarily feel helpless, without control of this beast, and concerned with physical well-being of myself and those around me; not because he's vicious but rather because he's brain dead when in that frame of mind. With acres and acres of open fields and surrounding forests he makes his way without thought of restraint or the owner who feeds him and loves him. And...cue the anger...red-hot, smouldering anger in a slow burn and ready to overcome with whatever is needed.

Cue the exhaustion as my body reads it as the fight or flight response of my past...the difference being that I am fully willing to commit to violence to protect myself.

Cue the remorse, the guilt, the overwhelming feeling of despair as my mind and heart fight for supremacy in a battle that need not be a battle.

Cue the need for justice, not for the big moose, but for the one who engineered, created, implanted and designated the need to control and abuse to such an extent I was reduced to the very basest of survival animal instincts.

Often, oh so often, I wish for another chance to fight back, to show I no longer fear the monster in the bed, under the bed, outside the house, on the hwy - wherever and whenever the physical threats came, I was reduced to terror of more pain, more bruising, more fear of actually being thrown down the well, forced to dig my own hole, or pushed from the vehicle at high speed; as he often threatened.

Anger, my friends, is a defense mechanism and in itself is not wrong; only what we do with it. It is our psyche shouting for help, for understanding, for dealing with the problem that is creating it.

What we DO with our anger is crucial to our character, to our sense of control, to our well-being. Its not meant to escalate to violence, as showcased by Dave in my time with him. It's not meant to belittle, nor mock or criticize until you're small and they are built up.

It doesn't mean we stay and work through the abusive relationship...it means we pull up stakes, understanding that our anger is coming from a place of fear, of hurt, of rejection for a reason. To make it stop...if this means moving, leaving, changing your circumstances then you've achieved the wisdom needed to protect yourself from those who lay in wait.

And so today as I work with the canine equivalent of the Rock, I step back and reassess.

I step back and look for ways to release the anger without dire consequences for the big lug.

I step back and take everything i've learned with animals to ferret out what this particular dog needs.

It's not easy my friends...dear treasures. One moment at a time...one circumstance at a time.

Let today be the day you reach way down deep and explore where the anger is being created and why.

Let today be the day you understand yourself in every sense and make changes necessary to your well-being.

May your heart be strong, your will be unchangeable, and your spirit full of willingness to change what isn't working.

May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you each and every day forward.