As Long as I'm Breathing...

...I have a reason to praise....so many moments on full alert, every sense stretched, stretched, stretched to near breaking point, all while the brain was busy checking in, giving me the low-down on injuries...in the midst of all this God was an ever present companion...so I began this thing I like to think of as just mine and HIs but know, just know others must do it too...

The thing; Hey God, it's me...hey God, it's maureen...still breathing...

Other moments sheer terror and situationally specific...'please send someone to save me, please send rescue...'

I have witnessed the end with patients...and they too, each and every one, reach out to God...athiest, agnostic, spiritually aware and unaware...as created beings, no matter where you think we began or how, we all cry out to our maker. We make peace within...with the one who loves us so completely that He is willing to wait until the very end of our existence.

With open, welcome arms....

This morning I begin to peel off the layers of emotions surrounding me these past few days...feeling the need to pull back and to one side for a breather...to recollect the thoughts running their course through mind, heart, spirit and soul...demanding attention, seeking answers and justice, warring within...and so I took a moment, a day, two...and just rested, pushing the insistent child in me to fix, to heal, to look, back into a box meant just for these types of emergencies. A box a curious mix between Alice in Wonderland and Mary Poppins bag of wonders...full of colour and brightness, a never-ending castle of awe and reverence...a safe place.

I baked...I sang...I cut kindling and stacked firewood...I swept, but refused dishes...I cleaned counters, watered plants, made my bed...

I did not delve deep my friends...I did not allow emotions to take over, memories to pop to the surface and linger, no....

I spoke to God...I lifted my hands in wonder at the miracles I see everyday...

Dear treasures...this survival thing does not travel in a straight line...this journey of healing is a winding road with plenty of pull-outs for rest, for reviving the grieving heart, for rejuvenating the sorrowful spirit...

Some days it will feel as though you have not seen a straight path for miles and miles...that every win in this journey has been in the thickest of forests, over marshy paths and climbing the equivalent of Kilimanjaro...until you step out, lean over to catch your breath, and look up to behold a path of golden stones stretching out as far as the eye can see. In that moment of pride, of strength, of courage, you feel as though you could climb ten Kilimanjaros...oh the joy dear hearts...its the breather, the jolt of energy, the sense of pride you needed at just that moment. God knows...He knows exactly what we need...

The story does not end there, of course. We will come up against the rock faces, the brambles and thorns, the depths of the ocean deep, again. But...oh for joy...oh for new strength...for renewal of spirit that will carry you up and over, through and out the other side, down to the depths and back up again....

It is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel...brightening by degrees...until you see the promised land before you and shout for joy.

2 Samuel 6:14-22 AMPC

'And David danced before the Lord with all his might, clad in a linen ephod [a priest's upper garment]. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the trumpet.'

Dance for joy my friends...dance with all your might for where there is hope, there is life....where there is love, there is hope, joy, peace.

Fear not dear treasures...the enemy is drowning...I had occasion this past week to be witness to just that.

Drowning in anger, violence, rage...some of the lovelier of human emotions.

A mistake, a post on Pinterest sent/shared to the wrong person...picked from the list of followers...lo and behold if it wasn't that special someone to spew hatred and anger in the form of a message.

Oh how I haven't missed that particular brand of anger, of hatred, of chaos.

A toe dipped in the water and the waters boiled, roiled...the enemy bursting out of the water like Jason on a super duper Friday special marathon....

I am happy to report there were no casualties...no dragging down to the depths, only wonder and confusion over how one person can hold so much rage without it burning them up, spontaneously.

This dear lost ones is where they live...the waters may appear still on the surface, but beneath it is as black as their heart, misshapen minions running to and fro lighting fires, stoking others...this is where they are comfortable, where they hide from shame, from guilt, from remorse...from love...as above, so below...

What they do not get, and perhaps never will, is that love will save them too...'Love covers a multitude of sins....' Love will cushion the fall from the heights of evil, the depths of hatred...grace and mercy would spare them with loving kindness....

They fear love, fear true intimacy....it would point the finger at all the shameful activities and pursuits, all the heartbreaking moments and acts of betrayal.

We are....therefore they hate....

We are bright shining beacons of love...words of grace, of forgiveness...all serve as they drink it in, until they allow the hate to rise for the very things they picked you from the crowd for.

My friends...once away and well on your journey to love, to life, to peace...these jabs from the nose-bleed section will feel like popcorn hitting your head, your shoulders as you continue to walk with confidence away from the evil that held you down, held you under.

You come up for breath in astonishment, in awe as you gaze upon a new land...on a sun that will never dim within you...that spark you defended, hid....is now the sun that guides yours steps...hope floats on waves of love, of faith, of joy and peace...

Swim those waters with no fear dear hearts...walk that path, whether climbing the rock face, slogging through the marsh, or hacking your way through the brambles and thorns, walk it out with faith, with strength, with the courage of Samson...of David standing before the giant Goliath...

You got this...you are not alone, never alone dear friends...you are loved, always...