Be Kind...

So...here I am. A blank slate with an infinite array of possibilities and directions my life could take...after a relaxing weekend I am ready to hit the ground running and begin this new chapter of my life. I struggled this morning over my hot cup of tea...changing strategies and habits...I struggled with what to pour out today, and as I stirred a dollop of honey into my tea I realized that I feel nothing; no anger, no frustration, no feelings of angst, no grieving a love that was not reciprocated, nor the illusion of a man I thought was real.

Perhaps it is God's answer to my prayer, my anguished plea for Him to take this from me....take the feelings of loss, of pain, of missing someone who was a will'o'the'wisp, of promises unfulfilled, of the plans to make a life with the man I believed him to be.....

I cried out and He answered....

This morning something was missing, something strange about the empty space...I stopped stirring my tea in shock as the revelation hit me. From this moment forward I reserve my time and energy for the things that matter.

I reserve my tears and pain for the people who are important in my life.

I reserve my tears for...stubbing my big toe....

I reserve my tears for...when I get soap in my eyes...

I reserve my tears for....the heartfelt commercial that tugs at the feels...

I reserve my tears for...the pain of others...

I reserve my tears for...anything but the abuser I left behind....

For anything but the chaos and confusion that lives at that small village address.

I am free and while I am old enough, and hopefully wise enough, to acknowledge that I will have moments that I feel all of the poison leaving my body, mind and spirit, I will spare tears for that man no longer. He is in God's capable Hands and as I shake the dust off my feet, I turn my face to the sun and plot a new course...I place one foot in front of the other and know that after the hell I've been through, there is very little that frightens me any longer.

This, dear friends, is the goal. To slowly come out from under the cloud of misery generated by the abuser/monster in your lives...to see the sun shining down on you once more....those first few tentative steps up and out of the pit, like swallowing a little bit of the golden rays of morning glory.

Stand tall and carry a big stick...speak softly and carry a big stick...

Speak your truth dear hearts and stand for what you believe in...hold fast to ideals, principles and the character you have been given. Stand for you....you're worth every kindness, you're worth compassion and a forever kind of love.