Better Days

There are so so so many things around us that can help with the pain, help with the hurt and help keep the spirits up.

Oh I know, some days feel as though it would be easier to walk through four feet of the thickest mud with no end in sight... the sickness of the soul unceasing...

And yet... the eyes are drawn to the sunset while driving home, the flock of birds wheeling through the dusky sky, the love and continuous attention from a dog(s), the loving head bump of your favourite feline, a song that draws healing tears...

These sustain me during the rougher quiet moments when the brain goes into overdrive reliving a million moments when I should have left. Relives the myriad moments in time when I should have died or been severely maimed, the moments when I called out to God to send someone to save me.

It was in those very moments is when God showed up, when He sent his angel to protect and keep me safe. If I hadn't believed in an almighty God before I met the evil that lives in the man I loved, I would now. That is truth.

I saw miracles with my own eyes, heard with my own ears....

The full on, overhead swing of a rock the size of a large pillow... only much less yielding....

A swing that was halted mid-way down to my head as I lay on the ground dazed from the 2 + hour beating... the confusion on his face, then determination to complete the swing.

That rock came down and I was hit with it but with much less force than intended, then ground into my scalp.

The choke hold that I could not break until a voice in my head along with a flash image in my head showed me how to break it as the edges of my vision began to go black...

Easy as pie... I let myself fall backward onto the rocks behind me... and the surprise once again on the face of the man I believed I loved with everything I had.

The hold was broke but not the beating..... I wasn't out of the woods yet but... I was still alive.

God showed up... In fact, He never left me.

Never alone.....

This is what I heard God whisper to me as I cried later sitting in the house of my abuser... still. Still there after 3 hours of being dragged by my hair and beat in numerous inventive ways.

I had music on.... music is healing, uplifting but above all can bring peace into chaos.

I began to sob, no tears... just that deep deep sobbing and cried out to God...

I was so alone... and I heard...

Never alone...

And in beautiful technicolor I was shown what really happened when that massive rock was descending towards me.

I 'saw' a man.... clad in a red/black Mac style jacket, worn jeans, work boots that had seen some miles...

This man was kneeling beside me and had one large hand on my shoulder and one out towards the evil that was in charge and in the deepest of voices and with no little amount of power spoke one word....

NO!!

It was in that moment that the confusion I saw on his face appeared.

He was either hearing or seeing the angel... This is what saved my life.

I was never alone dear hearts and neither are you.

Oh I understand that some do not believe in God, may be atheistic, agnostic or believe in Allah, or Buddha. Whatever you believe in, know this.

You are never alone.

I could speak of many moments similar to this one but one is enough, isn't it? To showcase the rage and evil that lives within the men (or women) we hold dear.

They are loved by God as well, but I truly truly believe that it breaks God's heart to see what they choose to be everyday. I have a faith deep down that God cries with us, for us when we cannot.

They choose.

Our loved one makes a choice to do harm. And they can choose to change, but they will not. Not while you are there holding down the position of current victim. What will it take for them to change their ways?

I do not know the answer to that question, but I do know that it is never on us. Never.

You are not tasked with saving the un-saveable. That is God's job, His good work and not ours to carry.

It is not failure to admit defeat. Generals in battle know precisely when to pull back, precisely when to give up the ground that the enemy has taken. To re-group and to take care of the sick and wounded soldiers.

We dear hearts... We are the sick and wounded from battle. God bids us rest and find peace once more. Find your peace dear people, survive and find the help you so desperately need to heal and grow from this most horrid of moments in your life.

You.... are.... worthy

of all that is good...

of all that is beautiful...

of a magical kind of love....

worthy...

Yes you.

I pray that you will reach out and find your way to freedom from fear and a peace that passes all understanding.

I pray that you will step off that battlefield and believe in someone who needs saving...

That someone is you.

May God keep you and make His face to shine upon you and keep you safe.