Coming...

...to a life near you...to a heart near you...a soul, a spirit in need of comfort, of love, of kindness....walking from a toxic relationship bears thinking about, contemplation on the subject of a lost soul finding the courage to step out and away...finding the strength, if not the belief, to choose sanity...to choose self before self is gone, buried under the chaos, the lies, the mind f*ckery....

I cringe somewhat as I sip my coffee and read those words...'toxic relationship.'

Ah dear friends...imagine a prickly pear, a porcupine blessed with the most magnificent gathering of quills...every nerve ending alert, on edge, ready for whatever that day holds...

Shielded, hidden from others to isolate, to control....now lift that mantle of slavery, yes friends...slavery....now lift those chains away and watch as confusion arises...watch as victims become survivors and flounder...for so long choices were not an option. Decision making and independent thinking are stolen and crushed beneath the boot of oppression.

And they despise you for it, despite creating exactly what they wanted...now they hate what you have become. This is what we walk from...run from....so often I watch my speech wondering if I'm speaking to a lost soul or a survivor walking this planet in stops and starts as they re-learn how to live, while making sense of how to breathe through the pain and sorrow.

I have been beset by dreams these last days...they cling to the edges of my thoughts as I work through the day...as I drive out into God's beauty again...as I drive through, consistently, the small town I lived in with my abuser....as I drove through yesterday and on to the Trout FSR, a road I frequented with the man I left behind, I spoke with God of His Hand in everything I do...in this form of therapy...going to every spot I spent time in, in some capacity or another...memories...flashbacks...there in front of me to deal with....

I breathe....and pray....and breathe some more until it is all released to the heavens...laborious moments of embarrassment, shame, rejection, betrayal, fear, physical crap...all of it....dropping it to the ground and continuing on....

Oh do not be fooled...many times I look down and around in surprise, to find some of those things picked up again....it can take a consistent laying down dear treasures....a minute by minute choice to let it all go.

As I ready for work and the passing through once again today to a site near by my old town...I speak words of joy, of peace and of a future filled with love and peace and joy unspeakable. Go today my friends and each forward in the blessing of God, in the Love of the Father who never leaves us, nor forsakes....