Countless Reasons...

Countless reasons to praise a God I have the pleasure to call mine. The mantra this past year or so has been 'no matter' what, why, how, when, where...no matter the dark clouds that hover over my mind at times, the sorrow that plagues the heart...I WILL give thanks...

God is good...and it is well with my soul.

I WILL declare my faith in moments of doubt, in times of trouble...for I have a friend who comforts, who loves me in my silliest (insert bad choices here) times and my smartest...He brings peace, He shouts joy in the mornings into the deepest parts of heart, soul and mind and I live another day...

I move and breathe and have my being with choice, with grace and mercy, with compassion and an understanding of the human capacity for grief, change, emotional rollercoasters and mental hijinks...

No matter the belief system, the chosen path to higher thinking...we have a Creator who KNOWS who we are down to the very core, knows the number of hairs on our head...

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

And more, so much more, He loves with every fibre of His being. Isn't that just about the grandest thing you've ever heard? Love and accepted, cherished and longed for...always...

It is this grace that compels me to continue, on the days I want nothing more to do with writing, with taking examples from past events and laying them out for everyone to see, judge, empathize, or ignore. God bless the brothers, but...If for one second I knew they had undergone abuse, physical or otherwise, I would be on their doorstep, on the phone.... ....while some may see this as self-pity, feeling sorry for myself and calling attention to lack to build up my ego...those who know, know and the forever friends and family who stand alongside quietly, silently standing vigil, holding place with me in the pain, in the sorrow, in the anger...God bless them, richly, vastly, a hundred fold for their compassionate souls, their empathetic and encouraging words...they have kept my feet firmly planted in the here and the now, with eyes to a future filled with joy, with love, with acceptance.

This brings me to the next subject of comprehension, trauma-informed understanding and wisdom when dealing with victims, survivors, escapees from their personal prisons.

To say that the victim of abuse had no boundaries or soft and flimsy boundaries, piles the responsibility on the lost one...

Oh, you must have had no boundaries, must have been weak, naive, a fool to have taken that abuse; that slap, head butt to the nose, knee to the face. You arrived at that meeting place on the path of life because YOU weren't prepared to stand for yourself.

F*ck that noise...once again...what utter garbage. For a moment...a moment or two or a thousand every victim, survivor and escapee would love to put you in their shoes to walk a mile or two or three; only to show you how its done, how this strong, professional career woman/man was broken down by degrees until one day awakening to spin round and view nothing normal, nada the same, infinitely changed with no idea how to find your way back.

I have grown tired...so tired of correcting, of informing, I have pulled back, taken a break, stepped off the path of education and patience...not with the average human, no...with those with all the pull, all the authority, all the knowledge of law and order missing the boat on how trauma works and finally, the last nail in the coffin a level of shaming and blaming that stuns and interrupts rational thought.

I seek rest, I seek peace....for a time...

I pray that my heart may be heard, felt, understood...I write to inform, I write to expunge the tears and rips in the fabric of my soul and those who sit in similar seats, who occupy the same village of vacant humanity and have yet to fly free....

Ignore, judge...understand, comprehend....all is well if these free fall scripts of penmanship land in the lap of a scared, fearful, suffering lost one...if for one second a light is shone upon evil, but more importantly, upon THEIR worthiness of more...of basic human kindness, of abounding love and joy, of grace, compassion, forgiveness, respect in place of cruelty, derision, disrespect and lofty unreachable expectations, I will have succeeded.

May God guide your steps today and each day forward...may you know a peace that passes all understanding in the midst of your storm. May courage and strength rise up within you, combatting evil on a battleground you did not sign up for.

May God's grace settle upon your shoulders, light as a feather giving wings to fly free...

Go now my friends and see that it is good, that life has purpose for each one, something which only you can bring in your own unique way. Created for a special purpose, loved and cherished where you stand or where you have fallen to your knees...always...without reservation.