Days go By...

Mondays....the past two days I have been awakening with a jolt at the ungodly hour of four am.....dreams, nightmares...lingering in the memory banks like wisps of fog, tendrils reaching out to touch the mind with flashes of people, places and strange meanings. With a small gasp of breath the covers are thrown back, feet hit the ground, sweaty nightshirt thrown to the laundry basket as I attempt to forget and remember from one breath to the next.

I remind myself that dreams are just that...dreams. Flashes of light, flashes of dark with no hold on the real world. Pain...heartache...a fight to overcome...fading as I walk about performing the comfort of morning rituals.

God is able...

"And God is ABLE to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work" (2 Cor.9:8).

I have a plan this morning...plans keep me grounded, masking the need for anxiety, for worry. With two new jobs in place and two offers on the table for contemplation...my life is once more on the track of movement, of doing, of being something other than a survivor.

The healing journey continues...the working at a dream, a goal...continues. But life awaits in the interim. Some days...I wonder how I'll make it...until I remember I have never been alone...God has provided, always. And this time in my life is no different...my faith sustains me...the love of family upholds me...the kindness and compassion of friends and family motivates me...a smile from a stranger, a kind word of grace and humility move me to tears of thankfulness and gratitude...

I am constantly shown and reminded that there are good people in this world...in my small corner of it.

I am consistently reminded that I am worthy as I am.

I am rewarded each and every time I step out despite my fear, despite my anxiety; rewarded with growth, rewarded with an uplifting of my spirits, rewarded with firmer ground to tread upon.

When I step out in faith and ignore the voices screaming in my mind to huddle in and wait out the storm...when I accept that invitation to the monthly poker game, when I agree to joining a ball team...I join the human race once again, ignoring the echo of a voice telling me I'm no good, useless...and I stand a little taller, walk a little prouder, speak a little more...and I breathe in deeper, cleaner....the breath of freedom singing in my veins is foreign yet so familiar, so comfortable; like an old, worn out shirt...that old pair of slippers you just can't throw out....just sliding your feet into those old slippers gives a comfort you had forgotten you needed like the flowers need the sun, need the rain. And you begin to breathe again...truly for the first time in what seems years....years....

God is good...and able to supply all you need...all you need do is to accept the gift...to take that step out of the pit of peril, to ignore the fulminating fear sitting on your shoulder telling you its not safe...you're not ready...

More lies dear heart, coming from your own corrupted mind....what is up, what is down...

Move forward...one inch at a time if that is what it takes to begin the journey of a lifetime, to begin the dream that is you....you are worthy...worth a lifetime of laughter, of joy, of grace and mercy, of kindnesses that send you to tears, of compassion that encompasses ALL of you...every bit of you.

Take it in dear lost souls, lost and hurting hearts and minds....take in the breath of freedom, the breath of love sweeping in from on high, from all around you...it lives and breathes IN you, awaiting your release from fear, from the perils of this world. It awaits your choice...your courage to step out and away, to step into a new life of love and dreams fulfilled.

God keep you today...May He make His face to shine upon you this day, and everyday forward. May He wrap His mighty arms around you and give you comfort where you are.