Deep Deep Down...

It begins with a whisper, with a stray thought...one thought becomes ten, a hundred different trails of thinking branching off that first whisper and down, deep deep down we dive...memories surfacing from many years previous, similar, oh god so very similar to more recent monstrous events.

These past days of Hoar Frost and blindingly clear blue skies have been full....full of thought, of reflection on all things personal, professional and particularly painful.

I sought to swim, I sought to tread water while waves washed over and through.

I sought to break through the surface, taking great gulps of life giving oxygen before sinking once more; swamped beneath memories, sifting through each one with panic and dismay.

Until...

Until I sat with healing music playing, until I remembered I CAN breathe beneath the waves, beneath the tumult and explosions coming from all directions.

Placidly I turned to view each memory and with a flicker of grief and sorrow covered by love, let each come with compassion, with understanding, and watched it sink below my feet to stay.

Opening arms wide with confidence, with knowledge of a love so complete I SEE my wholeness coming, I take it all in and set forgiveness as my compass.

I take it all in and fortify mind and spirit with grace and mercy.

We are NOT our pasts though they may come to haunt and harangue.

We are NOT our mistakes though they may come to remind us of humility and understanding.

Today, this day and each day forward, we ARE who we decide to be, in the moment and on to that next star on the horizon. We are no longer tied nor held in place by lies, by omissions, by cruelty and abuse. We are FREE...

Free to choose...

Free to know peace, hope, faith and love...

We are free.

Dear lost ones....this is not your future; this abuse, this sublte and at times not-so-sublte torture and torment. There is a way free, always. God makes a way...

Your future is filled with healing, with freedom to do so, with peace and contentment.

No longer will you accept chaos...

No longer will you take in judgement and derision, contempt and cruelty...

May God set your feet on a path to a life of love, of hope, of grace and mercy...may He show you the way free and gift your whole self with courage, with wisdom, with fortitude for what lies ahead.

And so I set my feet once more on the path that has led me here...once more I lift my face to the sun and drink in that warmth, that joy of being that comes with hope and love.

I may dive deep, but always returning to the sun for the reminder of a love that never fails me, never leaves me, always catches me no matter how far my feet may wander.

May God watch over you this day and each day forward, blessing you with wonder, with peace, with joy, with love.