Down Through the Ages...

"...my heart is wounded within me.

I fade away like an evening shadow..."

Psalm 109:22-23

I sit this morning in wonder at the writings of a boy, a man, a shepherd and finally a King so many, many years ago...at words that so often parallel my feelings, the wounded heart within me, the spirit of defeat and yet an awakening to fight once again, to rise up in faith, to rise up with the heart of a warrior.

We are never alone in what we feel...in reading other women's accounts, in delving into others stories, they are all remarkably alike...we stand as one body (and those men out there experiencing same), we stand together in experience, in understanding and compassion, and most importantly we stand together in need for change.

"For he never thought of doing a kindness,

but hounded to death the poor

and the needy and the brokenhearted.

He loved to pronounce a curse--

may it come on HIM.

He wore cursing as his garment;

it entered into his body like water,

into his bones like oil.

May it be like a cloak wrapped about him,

like a belt tied forever around him.

May this be the Lord's payment to my accusers,

to those who speak evil of me."

Psalm 109:16-20

You see dear treasures? Someone from thousands of years ago felt the same pain, the same agony of betrayal and loss. And spoke so eloquently I am put to shame and in the same breath inspired to write better, to write more and with such grace of wordage and eloquence it would pierce heart and mind, give balm and comfort to spirit and soul.

Even as I write these words I reflect on the one who would read what is written...and does.

I care not what he thinks...I care not for the ridicule he will spew...I give no more than a passing thought to him rejoicing in pain he has caused and is most likely causing at this moment with new supply.

You see dear friends, dear lost ones, dearest survivors finding your way step by step, footfall by footfall, breath after breath...they become shadows only. Wraiths that visit momentarily to remind you of all that you have left behind. To bring rejoicing over peace, over compassion and kindness, over grace after grace in place of the insidious, poisonous perfidy you lived with.

It may be small of me, but I take pleasure knowing that any large and in charge wordage I use will need to be looked up...

It brings a smile to my face to know that he lacks in so many areas that he must needs copy those around him all the while lording it over others to protect a fragile ego the size of the grand canyon.

And so, I write...not for those things that are small and insignificant, no. I write, my friends, to bring hope, to bring understanding into an arena that is hardly understood.

We have much to look forward to, much to believe and hope in...the path is open, adventures waiting with each step forward....and a God who loves beyond human understanding, beyond measure, watching over us...

"Help me, O Lord my God

save me in accordance with your love.

Let them know that it is YOUR Hand,

that you, O Lord, have done it.

They may curse, but you will bless;

when they attack they will be put to shame,

but your servant will rejoice.

My accusers will be clothed in disgrace

and wrapped in shame as in a cloak."

Psalm 109:26-31

Amen and amen. Let your accusers fall upon their own sword...let those who malign and slander fall within a trap of their own making...for truly, it will come back to them stronger than how it went out.

God IS good...He knows of each and every tear shed, each and every blow landed upon your person...He weeps with us, sits with us, never leaves us nor forsakes us.

Oh, I know this to be true, for in my lowest moments I have seen, I have heard, I have felt such presence... such a wrapping of comfort and peace in disastrous, overwhelmingly fearful moments that it was as though I stood, fell, lay fighting for breath, in a bubble, a cocoon if you will, taking me from those unbelievably horrible times into peace...as though displaced from the events happening upon my person.

Never alone...oh we may know loneliness, yes...but alone, truly alone? Never...

This is the faith I ascribe to for I know it to be true...

It is my prayer that each one would know, would feel, would understand the love of a creator who has felt our pain, who has cried out against our perpetrators...justice will come, it will come. And so we fight, we stand for ourselves and for those in the mix...we take up arms against those who would joyfully cause pain and torment.

May your spirit know and recognize your worth...may you stand for you one tiny step at a time until taking giant strides forward and away from all that has thrown you to the ground and pushed your face into the dirt. You are worthy of more than that pit you have been tossed in, more than what they would have you believe. So, so so much more.

"With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord;

in the great throng I will praise him.

For He stands at the right hand of the needy one,

to save his life from those who condemn him."

Psalm 109:30-31

You are worthy...always and forever loved, needed and cherished.

Go now...fight your battles, with grace and dignity proclaim your truth, knowing you stand with others fighting the same battles. Worthy dear treasures...hold that close as you fight your way free from darkness into the light of love...