Dreams....

I dreamed a dream....a tumultuous emotionally charged dream of such epic reality that I woke with heart in throat, with sorrow and sadness lingering at the edges of my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul laid down in momentary defeat. Like on the battlefield, wounded and bleeding I fall to the ground and allow myself a moment to rest, to heal, to call out to God... asking for the comfort of my mothers arms if only for a brief minute.

Today is a day of work set in close proximity to the man from my past...I can rationalize, use the cognitive, logical brain cells to ferret out the 'why' I was drowning in memories mish-mashed together in my dreams, however, I cannot pull the emotions out and examine them as easily. I sorely wish I could say that my heart has been mended, has grown a tough skin....despite the swift passage of time since that fateful day of exodus, for me the feelings of love and connection were very real...for him, I truly do not believe it was real...I was a stop gap, a comfortable worn-in shoe while the gaze roved, moved, searched, sought out more.

In the words of Giannis, a MVP NBA player on the defeat during playoffs, asked of the failure to win....'it is not failure, it is steps to success.' There is no failure, only growth in understanding, in forgiveness, only steps to successfully living life as large as I can, wringing joy from every moment...giving love and compassion in every step, every word, every gesture.

Grow, dear hearts....let the tears fall and water the soil you stand in, stand on...with every falter, with every gasp of pain, with every moment of calling out to God to release you from this torment...strength is gained and grows in leaps and bounds every time you push up off of the ground to stand once more, to walk unsteadily but walking out your truth all the same...

You are loved...

You are important...

You matter....

Believe in better things to come...believe in the goodness of God and His love for you that has no expiration date, no measure of success or failure...only all-encompassing Love and grace for His glorious creation...you...you are His best achievement, His best of all things created...you.

Go today in grace for the slightly broken, slightly torn up woman (or man) you are and know that this is not all there is for you. This is not where it ends for you...Oh no, there is so much more...so much in store for you and me...financial abundance, a truest of Loves...and a joy like we've never experienced to match and top the sorrow we've known. I believe this with all my heart dear friends....

Go now and walk tall, walk proud...hold that pretty head high and see the good that God has for you. You are loved.