Dreams...

It is said that dreams are our minds way of clearing the days, the weeks, the months events and making sense of same despite making no sense themselves as we wake and cling to the filaments left lingering...I dreamt many dreams through the night and woke with peace but also with a sense of shifting, of events playing out behind the scenes I am unaware of. It is here that put my trust in God to know the battles being fought, to orchestrate the steps, the climb...I waffle, I shift in my chair as I struggle with sharing one particular dream...is it necessary, is it purposeful? It is fantastical, whimsical and yet...it is a part of me and has been for as long as I can remember...many have recurring dreams and truly know not why they return again and again. Mine brings comfort and perhaps that is why I think on sharing it when for so long I have held it close to my heart and shared with no one...

And so the decision is made...I thank you in advance for your understanding, your patience as I share an intrinsic piece of my soul...take it as you will.

I had a dream...a flash of a memory imbedded in a dream of such colour and hue, of such clarity of each and every sense given to man I felt the warmth of the breeze blowing in my ginger curls, brushing softly across my skin...the smell of orchards flowering and blooming, teasing my nose...the stream I sat beside gurgled in my ears and mesmerized I gazed upon the dappled water, shadowed by the giant Weeping Willows sitting majestically next to it providing shade from the heat of the day. The Okanagan Valley, I was unaware as a child, was known for its intense summer heat and mild winters.

I sat beside the stream and beside me a sprite, a wood sprite I was told... nutty brown skin, ears shaped like a cats and sat on his head just so...his skin, his limbs like the bark of a tree, rough to the touch of my fingers...his smile wide and warm in his wizened old face....I did not feel alone as a child though I was often such...left to drift through orchards and wooded areas, making friends with neighbouring families, set far apart with orchards of every type of fruit imaginable growing and inviting the buzzing bumblebees I saw flying lazily in the sunshine.

This was not the first time we had met, though he had been in another form..he was friend, protector, keeper...he was magical to me. I cared not what he was, only that he was.

We sat this day together, gladly..joyfully spending time in each others company... he spoke to me with such love and compassion, and I soaked it in like a sponge...a balm to my small Childs heart, healing any and all hurts, griefs, sorrow...they slipped away like shadows of the day move across the land. As we viewed the stream and the small fish swimming idly in the shadowed areas, I heard a voice speak my name...'Hello, you are all alone!'

I saw a teacher, not mine, with a child on her shoulders and others gathered round her, she had a kind face, a face of such warmth...my friend and I both looked up and back to where they stood, the teacher smiling at me.

'you're all alone, would you like to join us?' I replied that I was not alone and saw her small smile of disbelief and patience. I was told to join them and with a small sigh, stood and brushed off my pants before joining her and children I had never met.

I looked back once and with a small sad smile I waved goodbye, and was met with arms bringing me in close for a giant hug....I walked away, comforted once more.

As a child growing up in the Okanagan valley, from Kamloops where i was born to Winfield where i spent some very formative years running the orchards and following my brothers around like a lost puppy, looking for adventure and exploring a large area around my home. It was a setting of beauty and loveliness everywhere i looked, with fruit hanging low on branches to be picked as i walked, ran coming in only after the sun began its descent...

I share this today as God has been taking me back, way back...memories surfacing from childhood like they happened yesterday...remembering smells, sounds, words, moods, the teasing and torment of three older brothers and learning to survive amongst them...never let it be said that siblings do not keep you on your toes at all times...was i to know that this was a training ground for the future i wouldn't have believed it...

What is clear and stands out above the rest is the best my parents did...the love and guidance they gave as we grew and each drove them crazy with our shenanigans, our constant hijinks, our epic battles... standing with bloody noses or mouths, fists clenched, smiling wildly if we won...plotting our revenge if we lost that particular round...

I know not where i go with this letter of love this morning dear hearts, only that it needed to be, to find its way through my fingertips to this blog...we all do the best we can as we all grow together as families. I spoke with one of my boys yesterday after work and was overwhelmed with emotion and love as we talked about our day in the chill and wet...of standing together as a family, as siblings sharing grief and sorrow and thus not necessarily lessening the load, but sharing it and giving comfort to each other...love saves, once again.

Dear hearts...remember who you were and you will find who you are, stronger...bolder...full of wisdom through experience...our dreams will take us back when we falter, when we feel faint with the work of healing being done and shut down the feelings, the emotions, the pain and grief...we are reminded of what has gone before...we may find ourselves revisiting the pain over and over again as we release the hurt, the memories...slowly peeling back the layers until there are none left to hurt us, until the healing is done...

Be patient with yourselves dear treasures...it is an ongoing process and each ones process is different than the others, no one heals the same or at the same speed...slow and easy wins the race...the sun will shine again, joy will come and peace will join until one day you will wake and find yourself standing upright, fully healed...the weight of all you have been through, gone....oh what joy will flood your soul at that moment, worth every grinding second of pain to get there....

Go today and each day forward in the knowledge of your worth, in the knowledge and hope that the day will come you will be free of it all...you will love again, feel again, trust again...

Stand tall dear hearts and walk with grace and mercy riding upon your shoulders...head held high in relief, in peace....deep deep down in your soul lives a spark that lights your days, that encourages you to continue...whispering to keep going, to take that next step and the next and the next...