Emotions...

Emotions…rising to the surface, popping out and above, demanding to be heard…like flying monkeys they orbit round my mind refusing to settle until dissected and dealt with. Laying out each thought, each feeling is a work of love…but make no mistake dear friends, it is work. A struggle to top each rise, each ridgeline…take a breath and begin again until every single emotion that would draw me down into the depths if left unattended, has been lovingly and compassionately embraced and released. Released to make its way back to the originator, the creator of the poison still being pulled out…cleansed and discarded along with other bits of garbage and detritus left behind in my soul, buried and hidden in my spirit, burned into my heart…. I feel…deeply… I love…completely… The fault…the responsibility…the lack lies not within but without…they are unable, dear hearts…they cannot and will not confront the demons that hold them back, that keep them pushing, pulling…searching in all the wrong places for sustenance, not love. No…seeking pleasure, the fresh blush in a new relationship, ego-seeking validation from many…and before that feeling begins to fade, the seeking begins… to fill the deep, dark, gaping hole inside them. They are unable dear friends…unable to meet you where you are, much less provide you with a love worthy of you. From beginning to end the goal is their comfort, their pleasure…. you are there solely to provide that comfort, never worthy…never enough…

Ah my friends…there is life, there is hope, there is a love that defies description…for you…God has proclaimed you worthy, lovely, precious…stand tall warriors and claim your birthright. Protection is yours…a way of escape will be made… I stand today in this place of healing, on this journey of recovery and speak life to you…I speak love…I speak truth…in the hopes that you too will see your worth and step out of the valley of bones, swim to the surface of that black soup you’ve been held under…lied to, betrayed constantly and consistently, gaslit, demeaned, judged and found wanting…

oh my friends, it is time to move away from the sorrow and the stilting, stupefying shame. You are a child of God and loved beyond measure…always and forever…always…right now, this minute, in the filth and in the muck…loved. Stand tall, speak softly…and begin, one inch at a time…one foot in front of the other with grace and with wisdom and perception make your way free from fear. May God go with you today and every day forward, guarding your heart and mind, keeping you safe and shielded from harm. May you know the comfort of His presence in the midst of your trials, your pain… May you see the path you need to take and have the courage to step out… Remember dear hearts, you are loved, needed, necessary and able. Strong, brave and true…that is who you are.