Enmeshed...

I am surrounded...enmeshed...entangled with strands of corruption seeking the demise of right practice...seeking to silence, to hide...

These past few weeks, months have been filled to capacity with occasional battles in a war waged by a company seeking to hide culpability, to deny responsibility and accountability...

Today I go once more into the fray and...my friends, I am tired, weary to the bone of men and women sidestepping, invalidating, blame shifting and shaming...I am angry, frustrated...emotions on a slow burn demanding justice.

Today I attend a meeting to discuss bullying emails, outright words pulling the welcome mat away and tossing employment aside...

My heart has been heavy with humanity once again being shunted aside in favour of profit, in leiu of funding to keep a sinking ship afloat.

My heart sits in wonder, it sits in disgust at the laziness, the lies being spoken...

My heart stutters as someone in a position of help, of services for former victims of abuse sits back on her heels and punts the responsibility, the services SHE stated she was there for, aside. This is a continuation on the first and foremost theme of abuse, violence and psychological torture within the relationship I fled from so many months ago.

No matter the words spoken, the oaths taken, the self building pitbull persona shatters in place as duties are neglected, shifted to others, and self-advocacy recommended.

We stand alone...survivors, victims, lost ones all...the system is broken down and moving sluggishly through the absolute miasma of crimes against women flooding the courts.

I stand alone...but never truly alone...I take the love of forever friends, the love of family, the love of my Heavenly Father with me in each skirmish...

I let go of those things that no longer serve peace, no longer provide supplication and a safe place...instead I turn inward, I seek answers within and without...I turn to God and cry out in frustration, in grief and sorrow at once again being summarily dismissed.

This dear friends is what women and men everywhere experience in this country...in this province...truth, let us speak truth always.

Invalidating bullsh*t shoveled out in waves of crap and crud; with a smile, with a laugh.

Words and phrases used consistently....'still pursuing,' 'looking into it,' 'be patient,' 'it is being researched.'

All used with a straight face as though we haven't heard them ever before...as though we are too slow to read between the lines, to discern we are being silenced, patronizingly patted on the head while nothing is done...out of fear? out of laziness? out of apathy created by sheer numbers?

And so...with two battles being fought on the western front I steel myself for truth with kindness, with dignity, with steel...I take each one of you with me as I stand for myself, for others who come after, for every woman and man being held down as surely and as effectively as the abuser you left behind without the physical violence.

Perhaps the reader sees this as too dramatic, too much...oh my dears, it does not even scratch the surface of issues plaguing each one today.

Imagine this for a moment....walking, running, crawling away from an explosively violent relationship hoping for a soft place to land...damaged from battle royales internally, externally...only to find empty air beneath....women/men who have been fed lies of uselnessnes, of no one caring, to find those who cement those thoughts, those lies from the pit of hell. Invalidation does NOT cover the further pain and suffering caused those who desperately need safe spaces, safe places and safe people.

Today as I go to work a job I love for its healing qualities, its bountiful vistas and bounties with crew I love spending time with, I will think on these things...I will gird my loins for battle, I will STAND and will not falter...I will go in thankfulness for those incredible friends and family, coworkers and others of my ilk, who stand beside me in support, in understanding.

Bless you, each one who stands without judgement, instead with grace and understanding, compassion and kindness. Bless you, you give breath, you give life to those who stumble and fall...you give wind for wings to fly free.

May God richly bless your days ahead with strength, with insight and with all the love you pour out returning a hundred fold.