Explain, Dissect, Lay it Out...

This morning as I sit sipping my hot cup of heaven beside the fire, watching the snow fall outside my big window I reflect on basic humanity. On basic kindness and behaviour. On explaining all in various ways, means, and layouts...victims become expert communicators, creating a slew of slideshows, essays and clear and concise delivery for maximum effect.

I read so many posts this morning on how to tell you're with a narcissist, on how to tell when you are not being loved, how to spot the abuse...dear god, what a conundrum, what a ridiculous irony of epic proportions. Essential...every post essential to those lost and alone, blindly seeking for truth to cut through the bullsh*t. For a hand reaching down and pulling them from the depths of the pit they live in.

© "When You rarely feel loved and cared about. & When you are in a relationship/Marriage, but always

feel alone.

© When You don't feel safe with this person. (You are not

sure you can trust them.) & when Your life is harder. Rather than easing the stress,

things seem to have gotten harder. © When conflicts and situations, with others arise and, You don't feel like this person has your back, and is in your corner. & When You can't count on, and rely on, that person. (You are let down a lot) ©When You feel sad a lot of the time, but you Don't know why?

& When that person is emotionally unavailable to you. (When difficulties arise, this person is not there to

comfort, and support you. ) & When they don't hurt when you hurt. When you are struggling or having a difficult time, and that persondoesn't show concern, Love or care.

& When they don't encourage and support your dreams. You don't feel like that person believes in you, or wants

you to succeed. When You are the one that is always giving more, whether it's time, Love, support, money or something else.? (You are the only one carrying most of the weight in the relationship)." Maria Consiglio.

This is a short blurb from a wise woman...it spells it out quite clearly...it perhaps comes off to the regular person a tad overstated, but I will tell you again it is so vital and necessary to the woman (or man) stuck in the pit; confused and conquered, belittled and buried under words of death and fear.

I sought clarity during my time with the man I ran from...I looked up personality disorders to better understand, to better help...and later looked up narcissism, boned up on Psychopathies from my college days and desperately searched for answers to the sorrow, the pain, the betrayals and rages.

Each one searches for meaning behind the abuse...to understand how a human being can be so cruel, heartless, evil...to recognize the absolute lack of self-reflection and more...the incredible lack of the most basic of human kindnesses...

Dear treasures...dearest lost ones...the minute you begin to seek within, without, googling, seeking information....it is a clear sign you are with a being of profound anger, rage, and a need to subjugate, control, push and pull into a hole, a pit of such depth and width to house the refuse being shovelled down, burying the victim under a mountain of projections, accusations, vile words and actions....all to keep their own head above water, never diving in to see the state of their heart, mind and spirit. It is a black and lonely, putrid place...filled constantly with the cries of others...with the blood of his victims...with the pain of betrayals, perversion and cheating.

In control at all times...never dipping a toe into vulnerability...only into pleasures of the flesh in whatever manner he chooses, however and whenever he chooses. No matter the pain he will cause the one he professes to love...pain he would never put up with, disrespect he would never tolerate.

Basic human kindness....compassion, mercy, grace, love, forgiveness, loyalty, commitment...all missing from the abusers makeup.

But...we are the crazy ones...the name calling continues long after we leave my friends. I am sorry to state that truth...sorrier than I can say to share that knowledge. Stalking...making up false accounts in your name and posting grand lies to smear and disturb...

I prefer that to a new victim...prefer the ridiculous behaviours be directed my way to save the next woman/victim in line.

My plea today is clarity...my prayer is for the scales to fall and for the lost to truly SEE the insanity they have fallen into. To see the mistreatment, the lack of true love and actions meeting words...and more, to see their way clear and free to live in environments that encourage, that uplift, that love and cherish and accept where you stand.

Go with God today and each day forward and know, truly know your worth. Take that stand dear hearts...you are worth it, always.