Generations...

Breaking generational strongholds...I think on my mother this morning...spring time was her favourite season, the new growth, the tiny green shoots pushing through earth to reach the sun...I think on her pain...and studied stubbornness in refusing to push further into the grief, the trauma inflicted from a young child and on into her marriage...with no offence to the church and the counselling they offered with a heart of kindness, though ignorance on all things trauma...the focus laying fault with the individual rather than going back, back, back into the mix, into the fray, digging into past and present traumas with gentleness and forward movement...

Segue into all we have at our fingertips today...oh how I wish she had those same options to hear and see and read others accounts, pick up tidbits of self-help and knowledge...taking the time to see a licensed therapist who could listen to the stifling, agonizing stories of trauma and betrayal at the hands of those who should have loved, cherished and upheld.

And so we set out to break generational angst, going back decades into centuries within the women of the family...we set out to do the work, to dig down deep despite the sorrow and weeping that follows...oh my friends, the relief as it is spoken of, brooded over, dissected, disassembled, and released to the four winds...gone, washed clean in the warm waters of compassion, of understanding and loving kindness...a release of shame and self-flagellation, taking on all blame for that which we had no control...once again a mountain, an ocean of lies built up over time to form a formidable wall of deceit and evil whisperings within the mind, placed there by the very one who has promised to hold your heart in hands of love, of grace and mercy...

We are not meant for such as this dear treasures...we are not meant for evil doings perpetrated upon our minds, our souls, our bodies, our very spirits broken down in ugly ways...then told it is our fault, our own insecurities (once again carefully crafted by the monster), our own issues and faults...lazy, good-for-nothing, useless, no talent, horrific at anything we put our hands to...critical words regarding our ability in a profession they know less than nothing about...brought about by witnessing the encouragement and hearty back-slaps for a job well done in a horrible circumstance while alone with no other first responders on hand, until that off-duty handsome fire fighter showed up...speaking words of help and comfort, giving kudos to officers and paramedics on scene....

I speak of this my friends to showcase the evil, the intentions of harm and distress despite and because of the moments seen and witnessed. They CANNOT have you confident, happy and knowledgeable...in order to control the abuser needs desperately to have you so low to the ground it is a wonder you do not become one with the earth, slinking and cat walking your way to safety.

We choose moment by moment...hour by hour...day by day...each choice piling one upon the other forming building blocks to a foundation made of stone, rather than sand...

The abuser, the toxic poisonous perfidious person to your system, chooses moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day...each choice piling one upon the other, forming off-kilter blocks and a shaky, wobbly foundation set in shifting sands of rage and chaos.

Dear treasures...this is not your lot in life...never stuck, never alone...there is always a way of escape, of making your way from the pit of vipers and vaporous behaviours...

No more confusion...no more second guessing...no more wondering when the next rage was coming, the next physical representation of anger and insanity...just peace...instant relief from living a life of fear...

God bless your days, your nights and your in-betweens...may you know your worth in every fibre of your being. Loved, cherished and accepted for who you are.