Grace...

Sit with me a moment...sit with grace, with love and acceptance...let the warmth of mercy wash over you, let compassion lead you back from the edge, that fine razor edge of fear and loss...the thoughts of stepping out of this world and into the next, wherever you believe that will lead you. Sip a hot cup of heaven with me and share your story...unburden your soul and let it out, release the grief that weighs you down. Sit beside me by the fire and let the heat fill all your cold places...let the love of the Father fill and shine on all the dark places inside your spirit and soul no one knows about.

Oh it hurts...we hug it close do we not dear hearts? We hold tightly to the grief, the dark tormented spaces, places that reside deep deep within. How do you let go of what has been burned and stamped on the psyche? How do we excise or write over the branding done upon our minds, our hearts, souls, spirits, bodies...it is a painful process to release to the heavens, to open that tightly two-fisted hold we have upon all that keeps us sane and in place.

Dear treasures...we do this by filling it with light, with gently cutting away all that was said and done...by replacing the darkness with the beauty and grace of love and compassion...

Survivors get through by holding on desperately to what is familiar, to what they know...I liken it to Pigpen from the Charlie Brown franchise...walking in a cloud of refuse, dust and dirt, slightly hunched and walking with sodden steps.

This my friends is the reason for that long tunnel, that slow climb out of the pit...the bright light of day is disorienting, frightening and unfamiliar.

I used to cry out and beg God to take it from me...regularly...to take the grief, the sorrow, the pain and wash it all away...to take the love, the trauma bond - unrequited love meets brick wall, plants vines to climb wall only to find another and another and another - away, take the memories from my mind, delete this man from my memory banks...please...

Oh my friends...how good is God as He understands exactly what we need in each moment, each hour...slow progress is best as we lay down one item at a time...losing the weight of despair as we do so, releasing each moment of trauma to the heavens and forgiving ourselves for loving the wrong person so very much...forgiveness, not for loving, oh no, but for loving the wrong person and most importantly, leaving that broken person within us unprotected. For so much....be kind to yourselves dear treasures, you have a heart for the lost and lonely...for the broken...the crux is knowing when that love is forsaken, betrayed, used up and discarded without a care...

Wisdom comes...I am here today, so far from where I was a year ago, to tell you that wisdom comes...love washes in and washes out the refuse, the garbage... everything that weighs you down is cleansed, scrubbed clean until all that remains is the fresh pink scars bearing your story...whole and stronger than ever before.

Love saves us (Maya Angelou)...mercy finds us...compassion motivates us...kindness undoes us, truly...I can relate each and every kindness, every hug, every hand stretched out in love and light...

There is hope my friends and yes, it springs eternal...

There is faith....a 'confidence in or trust in something or someone'...I found mine sitting quietly waiting for me to remember, to see all that transpired in that chaos-filled relationship and the Hand of God in each time of terror, of pain beyond imagining...He was there, filling me with courage, staying the hand of physical threat from ending my time here on this earth.

Oh dear hearts...I met God in a way I never thought possible...in desperation I called out and I was not forsaken...instead I saw miracles, felt them in the physical and spiritual realm alike.

The absolute power and mighty hand of God came down and plucked me out of the pit...

I write today because God is good, but more...He is my friend and a mighty foe to the enemy who likened himself as a god, as a master, as more than he was...

I wrestle with putting to words the magnitude of what I experienced my friends...not for sympathy no...truly not...rather for understanding those who live it right now, or have made their way free and are living with, grappling with finding their way back to the surface after being held under for so long.

My plea today is be kind...be compassionate...we do not know what others have gone through, what grief they carry...most often they will be the ones smiling, laughing and loving those around them, this is what sustains the survivor/victim...they give out what they most want themselves and know that others must need it too.

Today I have much to say and no time...it is a point that causes me to smile as I know there are days I think I have nothing to say...and so I will end it here and hope that these words bring hope, bring love, bring light to a world that exists right under our noses...right next door or down the hall of the condo building...that person in the Timmies line up feeling lost and so alone...stretch out a hand and you will find someone in need of a kind word...a loving hand and a compassionate moment...

Stand tall and walk proud, carry that big stick with truth and courage...

You are worthy, one and all...worthy of love instead of hate and disgust, of light instead of darkness...remember dear hearts, you are fearfully and wonderfully made....truly.