Grief...

...can swallow you whole in one large gulp...think Jonas and the Whale, sliding down the throat of a massive mammal into a belly unsuited for human occupancy...we are not meant to stay there, no, but while there we are protected from the storms above...safe from waves that threaten to drive us under so deep we know not how to find our way back....

Grief is a solitary thing, isn't it dear treasures? The load lightens when we share, when we gather together to remember, to celebrate a life well lived, when we take the time and trust necessary to speak on things past and present. At the end of the day though we must climb into bed alone with our thoughts, memories, and the grief that rides alongside us through every waking minute.

No one can take that journey for us, whether it be grieving over loss of a loved one, or grieving over trauma and tragedy...we walk that path with a Father who understands, who comforts, who walks beside us; picking us up when we fall to the ground weighted down by the emotions that fill the soul, that break the heart into tiny pieces we are left to gather up in our arms and cradle closely until shaped once again into something that resembles the beating organ we remember.

We do the work my friends, or fall....we fall prey to despair and a sorrow so deep it crashes into us as a locomotive engine full of anger and resentment, questioning why always...

I search for meaning within the grief...for meaning, for understanding, for a reason why...how...how did we end up here, at this spot on the crossroads of our lives? And a crossroad it is...one direction peace, comfort, compassion and creating space for the love we no longer have a place to give to...the other direction angst, despair, melancholy and despondency...

I received a hug yesterday from in-law family gathering to celebrate a birthday for one who has gone the way of the grave, visiting his Heavenly Father and making him laugh and slap a knee in mirth, in joy...while hoping to bring comfort and compassion with my presence I was once again surprised by the beauty of the ones left behind. Hugs from many, one most especially special...from the patriarch himself as he held up his arms in a 'gather in' gesture, I was surrounded by strong arms of love, of grace, of belonging for a full minute and a half. Squeezed to bursting I squeezed back with love, with comfort, with compassion...

I was reminded of the smallness of the person I left behind in the face of such characters, high above the brevity of character within the monster still doing monstrous things, hateful thoughts and deeds. So small he ceased to exist for a time...smaller and smaller within the rear view mirror....

This, dear treasures, is what we are meant for...coming together with those who love, who accept, who cherish who you are right where you stand. You hang on to those forever friends, that family who haven't been family in 16 years and yet still view you as one of theirs for all time...that is the Queen of all affirmations...the King of all validation and justice...

You find your people and you hang on, you grow, heal, mend all the torn and broken places and spaces within, surrounded by love, by grace and mercy, by kindness and compassion...

SAFE...finally safe and at peace.

This, dear lost ones still walking the tightrope, day in and day out...minute by minute wondering what this day will bring...this is your promise, your birthright...worthy of all love, all kindness and peace that passes all understanding. When you run, safely and wisely, when you jump, you will be caught up and helped to stand on your feet, guided to a land milk and honey, promise and comfort.

There is always a way...may you find your courage, your infinite strength displayed each day as you walk, tiptoe and hope rage keeps its evil head hidden...may you see God's hand in all you do, everything you put your hand to...may you know the breadth and width of an everlasting love promised to you, for you...may you feel, without a shadow of a doubt, the arms of the Father encompassing you round about, protecting...guarding...guiding your feet out and away into a land free of fear, of loathing and disgust, of derision and pain, of sorrow and lies holding you captive.

Fly free....break the bars of that invisible prison holding you in despair and defeat...fly free to be birds of hope, of dreams, of goals, of love that saves...away from the land of evil, of hatred and strife, chaos and regret...oh God bless you richly dear dear women (and men) with wings to fly, with wisdom guiding and holy lamp of God lighting the way.

Fly free.....