Happy Happy Joy Joy....

Happiness is that first sip of the perfect cup of coffee....some days elusive as the leprechaun, but with determination, perseverance and practice...achievable. Today is that day I thank God, again...for coffee....and French Vanilla creamer and a dash of sugar.

Happiness is waking to peace...waking to no thoughts of what scenario may play out today...

Happiness is waking to an absence of fear....priceless.

Happiness is waking to the knowledge that life is an adventure and while I may not know where I'm going or what exactly I'm doing, I am choosing to enjoy each moment...to be present in each moment. Some days, this is as elusive as the perfect cup of heaven. And yet....it's attainable, doable.

Happiness is spending time with family....just...being with, chatting about anything and everything...knowing you're accepted for who you are....healing moments....

Happiness is spending time with friends and complete strangers...I had the pleasure of being invited to a birthday party of just a few friends, and turned out to be quite a bit more than a few. While my anxiety may have spiked, I met some very interesting people with interesting lives and stories to tell and felt accepted...and once again so very thankful for the kindnesses and compassion of strangers.

I believe God places us in moments of transition...and I felt that move, felt that click as something fell into place in the universe. I had an opportunity to speak my truth, despite trying to direct the conversation to other topics, it came back around to a point that I felt I must speak...was compelled to speak.

I believe my heart gave a stutter, a stop-go motion akin to the old hit-and-miss engine...I was faced with a lie....I was faced with a nasty story from a untrustworthy source (according to the gentleman speaking) unknown to me, regarding the day I ran from my abuser. I was appalled by the offhand way the poisonous story was thrown out to those listening. I had not yet revealed who I was...

And here is where a thankful, grateful heart comes into play....thankful for the open minded couple who listened gravely to truth spoken.

These are the moments dear friends, the moments given to us to speak truth, to shine a light in the darkness and watch as God does the rest. I have no doubt that the person in question spreading the lies has been lied to...and no doubt will be set straight at the next opportunity.

Happiness is stepping out in faith...speaking softly, with authority....that big stick we've been speaking of.

'There is no stopping a man who knows he's in the right and keeps a-coming...' Louis L'Amour.

I'm so very thankful...again...for the grace of good people....

for the small kindnesses of a stranger...

for the company of like-minded men and women...

for the mornings free of fear, free of sorrow, free of hate....

for every morning I draw breath.....

for the son whose eyes light up when he sees me...

for the small hand of a grandchild slipping into mine....

for friends who welcome with open arms and hearts....

We are not alone dear survivors....never alone....though we may feel so, we needs only reach out to the left or the right...oh dear bruised and broken one, you are a step away from freedom, from peace.

Healing is not for the faint of heart, and you my friend...you are not faint of heart...you have the heart of a lion beating in your chest. You have endured much...loved much, in the face of evil and had your heart broken...your spirit muted, beat to dust....but see it stir? See it move and rise again....stronger than before, mightier in spirit, rising to begin anew...to start afresh... cleansed and purified by the fires of a hellacious habitat, a descent into the fires of Mordor, you have been tested, tried and emerged a warrior Queen.

Make no mistake dear friends... As hard as it is to fathom the dismaying amount of truth to these statements, truth remains stranger than fiction. In my wildest imaginations, and I have a great expanse of thoughts running through my brain at any given moment... I could not have imagined the scenarios that played out in my small corner of the world, that they would happen to me....that something I did somehow created this environment.

And therein lies the mind-f*ckery....we, as victims and as survivors, habitually make our way back to self-reflection and self-blame...we look for the chinks in our armour, our character, thinking to make the changes necessary to create a safe place within a domain made by the monster....ah the dichotomy, the irony so strong it reeks of regret, it reeks of remorse, reeks of rank evil....

YOU are not the creator of that hell... you are the undertaker picking up the pieces left strewn about your mind, your heart, your spirit....all the while loving with all you have, all the while plugging holes poked in the dam by your own personal devil.

Is it not devilish to treat someone with such disregard?

Is it not devilish to create such an environment and then sit back and watch as the one you profess to love crumbles at your feet?

is it not devilish to consume the joy de vivre beating in the chest of the one you profess to love? With your words, with your betrayals, with your neglect, with your abandonment emotionally, mentally and intimately?

Is it not devilish to beg someone to come back with promises of all the things you did not do before, with promises to love and cherish for the rest of your days...and then drop them as soon as you have them?

It takes a cold heart, a black soul and dark intentions to purposely create a place of warmth, intentionally create a welcome of home and hearth....only to snatch it away at the earliest opportunity.

And then worse...yes, there is a so much worse...to continue to live with that person, dropping crumbs to keep them hooked, and to maintain your declaration of love throughout this process....

Seen from that perspective dear hearts, do you see the evil being perpetrated? Do you see the truth in your personal situation?

I hope for you, pray for you....that not only do you see the evil afoot, but that you know your worth and find your way out to breathe the sweet, sweet scented breeze of freedom.

Know your worth.... speak your truth....find that lost child within and set her/him free...

Go with God today and stand a little taller, smile a little more...you are loved, you are worthy of all that is good and wonderful...yes, you.