Healing and Hurting

The healing process begins as soon as you walk out the door. That step puts you on the path of a life free of anxiety, dread, fear, loss and so much more.

The choice between knowing that you are no longer important in their life and that they are busy and have been since your return, (or if you're still in it, or have been for a very long time you know this insidious cycle) and you know they are searching for love in all the wrong places. Instead of putting their time in fulfilling all the promises (insert 'lies' here) they made to you to get you back in the door, or to keep you from leaving through that door, they return to their secret dirty life. Dating sites, porn sites, live chat sites, paying for nudes or getting them from those women out there that have their own sites and put themselves through college making their money this way or just enjoying the attention their young beautiful bodies are garnering from all the cheaters.

This, god this is just one facet of the horror you live in everyday.

Yes, I said it. I called it what it is.... your own private horror series.

How else do you describe the hell you endure? And for what?

A few crumbs from their table.... those few and far moments in between that are free from strife, arguments, verbal attacks and so on. You see a glimpse of how life could really be if they chose to love you fully.

Listen dear hearts.... please listen carefully to me. I've lived it.... over and over again. Leaving and then believing the lies all over again and going back.... hoping and praying that this time, This time will be different.

Does this sound familiar? I know you love them with everything you have... I still do.... love the monster with everything I have. It will never be enough.... your love is priceless but to them... never enough.

Here is the big 'but' and statement I need you to take to heart and hear with your heart as well as your head.

IT IS ALL A LIE.

All of it.... the little kindnesses. (as they cheat behind the scenes)

All of it.... the little moments of laughter (as they gleefully plan the next verbal attack)

All of it.... the little crumbs of attention and affection ( as they flirt and talk with other women)

All of it.... the soft touches, the incredible snuggles as you fall asleep (The instant anger when they wake and destroy all of the moments that came before).

My hope in writing these blogs is not just for the victims of abuse and brainwashing.... no, my hope is also for those who victimize, that perhaps they read the account from the other side of the equation and SEE what they do to those they profess to love. If it reaches one abuser and he chooses to change...what a miracle that would be. Parting the Red Sea kind of miracle.

Explain this if you will.... How does one go from declaring their love for you (my personal favourite was 'I love you bear') and in the next heartbeat begin to belittle you and verbally and physically beat you down?

Let me tell you something I finally came to realize....

THIS IS NOT LOVE.... oh no it is not.

We may be broken and beaten and bleeding from their manipulative games and not truly know what love is....(we sure know what love isn't don't we?)

But our own personal monsters haven't the faintest clue what love really is. They truly do not. That's why they need the kindness, the compassion that is in you to copy and emulate until they can't anymore.

I cannot explain why this is beyond saying that they were either born this way or were created this way through their own horrific childhood. It does not excuse their behaviour, however, if you're like me you need some kind of reason as to the 'why' of their monstrous deeds.

I sincerely hope you take this information and understand that I am not attacking the person you love with all you have. Quite the opposite.

What I am doing (I hope) is providing information so you understand what I knew but did not understand until now......that while you can love this person in your life, you may not be able to live with them.

Understand that in this equation you are the more important variable... your mental health and physical well being is of paramount importance, and if it is not his top priority then you must make it yours and yours alone.

You are loved

you are enough

you deserve all that is good and lovely.

'A magical kind of love.'

Be strong and of good cheer dear ones, for your time of peace will come. You may have to leave everything behind and fight tooth and nail for it, but peace will be yours if you choose it.

I pray everyday for you, that you will choose peace and choose 'you.'

God keep you safe.