I am Not The Same...

Not the same...inexorably changed, altered...I listen to understand, to think and ponder over words spoken, body language, facial expressions...I take my time...I practice speaking slowly with consideration, with deliberation, truthfully and in kindness...but I stand dear hearts, oh I stand and what a glorious feeling it is to ever so minutely stand a little at a time until it becomes a practice, a routine as easy as breathing and as life giving as the oxygen we breathe.

Life returns friends...good life...peace, joy, love, buckets and buckets of hope...

No matter what I do; what decisions made, the choices made, the paths taken or perhaps the rabbit trails I routinely run down, only to return after a futile hike, a slog; after a walk of shame, of frustration...

He loves...

Dear friends, this past week has been a battle of mind, heart and soul...each warring one with the other, reaching out to merge, to work in sync; only to miss due to a whisper, a lie, a harsh word knocking the feet out of line, the mind out of alignment, the heart to stutter with remembered pain, remembered chaos and grief.

This morning in and among all the lies circling my brain, I stood, paced, prayed and took a stand within the battle, against the lies...

'No more...no more...God loves me, always will no matter where I go, how far I travel, how deep I dive...He is there, always.'

And oh the release, the relief...and the tears came, they flowed like a river to wash clean the blood, the sweat, the tears, the grief of the past week or so.

I'm back. Clarity has returned and with it confidence borne of experience, knowledge borne of battles royale, wisdom borne of mistaken beliefs, thoughts and words.

What a beautiful day to be alive...to breathe the fresh, clean, crisp cold air, to have the ability to shovel snow, load firewood, chop kindling and the cozy warmth of a home built with kindness, with love, with comfort, with compassion and grace.

No one here to criticize, to demean, to laugh at, to control and manipulate.

Just me...living with a peace I've not known in some time.

This dear hearts, this is what we long for...what we fight for....what we do the inner work for.

What a wonder....

Life continues...it messily bumps along and we do much the same as we dodge bullets of pain and grief, as we duck beneath the barrage that comes...but we continue too...we continue to lift up our thanks, our gratitude for the gift of life...for the gift it is to experience each and every thing this world has to offer.

The beauty of a winter sunrise, seen over a steaming cup of doctored coffee...

The wonder of snow falling so quietly to the earth, coating everything in white, in purity once more.

The warmth and joy of a sincerely given squeeze...

I hug rarely these days but when I do its filled with love, with grace....

I was on the receiving end of such a hug this past Sunday and it warmed me to my toes, filled me to the tippy top. The determination to do exactly the same sits upon me.

There is so little encouragement, so little love given these days. As though as a race we have forgotten how to interact one with the other in person.

One person at a time, one encounter at a time...leave a little of yourself with them.

A word of kindness...a smile of welcome and acceptance...a clasp of a hand, a hug expressing love and compassion.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you my friends...with your kindness, with your love and encouragements you have kept me here, in the now with hope for the future. My heart lives in gratitude, in thankfulness for the forever friends (few though you may be), for family...you know who you are as you spared no love, no compassion and no little grace and mercy and patience, for me. In dark times I sat in remembrance, I sat and reflected on the important loves in my circle and I remained.

This is what we do for the broken if we are wise dear friends. This is how we begin the work..

Stand tall...someone watches you...

Walk proud...someone sees you...

Speak truth...someone is listening as you do....

Go with God today and each day forward and see the miracles, feel the wonder as your world changes...as you give, you receive a hundred fold in joy, in growth, in peace and in grace for yourself that is priceless.

God bless you...richly...bountifully so...

May comfort surround your hearts, your minds, your spirits no matter where you tread, no matter where you live and breathe and have your being.

'Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will take hold of me.'

Never alone dear lost ones...never alone. Find peace deep within...and hold it tight...you will be lead out...to freedom, to a life free from fear, from torment. Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Light in the Darkness.