I Love You

Good morning Dear Hearts,

Let's start with LOVE... What is it really? Shall we check into a few sources for help with this one? I know for myself I have a truly warped sense of love... the evidence all points to this as while I can give love I have no idea what it is, not really or I would see what it isn't.

Right? I have accepted love that is bent and twisted from those closest to me, since I was a young girl. We have done the research, we know that it is the trauma we suffered with as children at the hands of those that professed to love us. The loved ones who should have been protecting us not harming and therefore shaming us and themselves.

This is what spurs us empaths/sensitives on to love others around us so they don't know or EVER feel what we felt as children and teens and on into adulthood.

So... Websters definition of Love.

1. 1. An affection of the mind excited by beauty and worth of any kind, or by the qualities of an object which communicate pleasure, sensual or intellectual. It is opposed to hatred. love between the sexes, is a compound affection, consisting of esteem, benevolence, and animal desire

2. or.... verb ; 1 · to hold dear : cherish ; 3 · to like or desire actively : take pleasure in ; 4 · to thrive in.

'to hold dear... cherish.... to thrive in. oh dear ones.... This... this is LOVE.

Ask yourself the question, oh please ask it.... you know the question(s) I'm thinking of... I know you know it.

'Am I feeling this love?'

Am I cherished?

Am I taken pleasure in?

Is there esteem and benevolence shown to me?

I can tell you that on my end of things, not one of these questions was answered with a yes, or a maybe or just a baby toes worth.

This brings the sorrow and the shame to the surface as I write these words... and oh how I wish the tears would fall and cleanse my soul free.

Cleanse me Free from the tie, the bond, the connection I feel... still. It will be a month and a week since I escaped from my own personal version of hell.

One day I will be free and I will learn or perhaps unlearn is the better verb here. I will unlearn the survival instinct of holding the tears in while internally I am drenched in the unshed tears weighing my soul down.

Until that day I will wake, I will get up and make my coffee and sit with my laptop and talk with all of you beautiful souls. If I reach just one broken and suffering soul and encourage them to get out, get help and to finally live Free from Fear, my heart will continue to beat, my brain function and the will to live gradually grow into something stronger and tougher.

Now... back to LOVE.... It wouldn't be a proper research project if we didn't use more than one source.... And what search would toe the line, make the mark so to speak if we didn't use the Bible as a viable source on the subject?

The Bible on LOVE:

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Well, my work is done... This dear hearts sums up, absolutely perfectly, the opposite of our abusers.

Oh so easily angered....

no patience just contempt....

kindness? I mean really? What kindness? Only mean, god the meanest I've ever encountered, comments disguised as 'just jokes, just a joke for Christs sake, can't you take a joke?'

And well fuck... EVERY wrong is recorded in huge letters with notations and extra thoughts on the matter.

Please hear me my sweet suffering souls... If you're already out, away and free.... please, please, please do not go back.

That man you are giving your love to, oh hell... that man you're giving your soul to?!! That man?

He does not have your best interest at heart no matter what he tells you. They know deep deep down exactly what you need to hear in order to get you back...

I know what you're thinking... but why? Because dear hearts you are their best ever source of everything they need while they search for another, a better supply. (not better!!! just new because we no longer buy the lies being told).

Ephesians 4:2: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

You know as well as I that once back in their arms, it takes less and less time for them to begin the break down. days... days.... it gets shorter and shorter each time you go back. It did for me....

This last time it took only 2 days and he got angry about something and all of it was vomited out again, over and over until I knew my place. Sex after the first couple of times became history.

And within another week a new argument with fresh threats and promises of violence and revenge upon my person and anyone he knew I loved more than life itself. And on and on ad nauseam. The cycle is stuck on repeat.

So please my sweet sweet people, I entreat you... do not go back.

My heart aches for your pain and mine. We share this and must uphold one another in support and prayer and encouragement.

You are worth this kind of love....Corinthians 13:13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Romans 12:9: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Ephesians 5:25: For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…

This kind of love... this is what you and me are worth. Not that evil thing he eschewed as love

.

Shall we have one more source as research? Lets turn to the classic.....

Shakespeare:

‘She’s beautiful, and therefore to be wooed; She is woman, and therefore to be won’

(Henry VI Part 1 – Act 5, Scene 2)

‘Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service’

(The Tempest – Act 3, Scene 1)

At your service... To be wooed...

See, hear, and feel what you/we are/were missing... but, oh god, so much more important, what you are getting and carrying.

You're getting; anger, gaslighting, controlling behaviour, manipulating, physical violence, emotional abuse, cheating, betrayal...

You're carrying; shame, confusion, sorrow, betrayal, fear (so so so so much fear), unrequited love, embarrassment,

I think that's enough for now as we know exactly what we're receiving from the person we love with every breath.

Pain flows deep.

Pain with every breath.

So stay strong dear hearts and fight for you. Fight for your sanity, that little broken child inside you needs you!