I Miss You...

I sit sipping the first heavenly cup of hot coffee, although some might judge it to be something else entirely with the liberal amount of French Vanilla and a dash of sugar I administer to the cup. Heavenly regardless...

I sit this morning in contemplation once again; reviewing and cataloguing, reflecting and shifting amongst the rubble that is by degrees slow and rapid; evolving into something healed, something new, something different.

My mind and heart, spirit and physical body meeting as one with God to climb that mountain, cross that valley, fjord that river if only to get to the other side to see, to leave no stone untouched.

Hand in Hand, step by step, ground has been covered and conquered; continuing to put miles upon miles between myself and the monster that stepped in to wreak havoc, to steal life-giving light seen within, siphoning off everything good to fill the hole.

I miss you like a bad cold, chest full of fluid and phlegm...

I miss you like a migraine, replete with pain and nausea....

I miss you like rain misses the sun, like trees miss disease and rot, like night misses day...

I miss the never ending rage and love-cloaked words of contempt and disdain, cruelty and harm...

I miss the feel of your fists hitting, slapping, maiming...

I miss the bruises and soreness that every movement of body would bring...

I miss the evidence of your betrayals and cheating, that low-down expression of worth and desirability.

I miss the sound of your voice bellowing across open spaces, or in close to the face...

I miss the head-butting and broken bleeding nose and split lips...

I miss the feel of blood seeping down face and plopping onto chest bruised from your fists, elbows and knees...

I miss the sexual sadism, abuse and rape....

Oh little D, how I miss your oily, slimy, angry presence in my life and living in a run-down home rife with chaos and lies in that small town of Fraser Lake, looking past the hovel and unfinished work in favour of a fountain of lies promising love, security, safety, acceptance.

Sarcasm and open tongue-in cheek truth aside;

It is with appreciation I sit alone...

It is with thankfulness to a God who loved me enough to bring me out, I sit alone in peace...

It is with a heart full of gratitude and wonder that I sit in awe, that I sit with love and grace, mercy and compassion...

My friends....dear lost ones....if ANY of those previous 'miss' points hit you hard in the solar plexus, if any of that list resonate within heart and mind, it is time to GO...to plan, to escape, to find you once more...but even muy muy importante, is this; it is time to stand for you, yes you! You are worthy of more, worthy of better, worthy of peace and joy and love.

Before you ask in ignorance why they 'don't just leave,' in many cases, as in mine, are elements of danger fraught with fear and anxiety in just thinking of leaving. Promises of retribution of torture and torment ending in death keep you rooted to the spot.

Victims are systematically broke down, assimilated into the fabric and weave of the monster who holds the key to your chains.

Leaving is a frightening prospect, but oh dear treasures, I am here to tell you that it is worth every second of fear, every moment of sheer terror to come out the other side, FREE.

Free to love, free to be, you. Loved for you as you are...

May God keep you, may He show you the way free...may He cover you in protection and courage as you find your way. He WILL make a way...Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Light in the Darkness.

Lift your eyes to the sun dear hearts...may you see your worth in the midst of confusion, may you know who you are meant to be, no matter what is being thrown at you.

You are capable, able to do that which seems insurmountable, impossible.

May God bless you, richly, with eyes to see, ears to hear, and strength of a thousand warriors.

May He impart wisdom to find your way, courage to take the steps out of the pit you have been thrown in. All is possible my friends...all!