I Understand...

Rage. I understand anger so extreme it blots out all rational thought...

Not anger of the 'you didn't do the dishes right' variety...

Not anger of the 'how dare you speak your needs' variety...

No...

Dear friends, this morning's blog is not pretty...it isn't positive and encouraging, rather it is full of angst, of anger at the injustice of it all.

Please forget your average everyday frustration with government taxing initiatives, or the injustice of a ticket when you're in a hurry.

No.

What i'm describing is years of abuse piled upon eons of criticisms, contemptuous behaviours, betrayals and finally the overwhelming pain of physical tortures and psychological warfare bestowed upon you by someone who conversely and confusingly tells you they LOVE you.

What I speak of today is the 43 stab wounds inflicted upon their tormenter when they finally have no choice but to strike back.

One strike will not do....it builds, and builds, and builds until you are screaming out your pain; spittle flying, blood pouring and pooling...

The kind of anger birthed by evil.... directed at you, and on your person...

Yes.

I understand that kind of anger.

Years have passed since my exodus from the Sinister Land of Dave; author and puppet master, bent on my destruction and devolution...

But not only mine.

No.

One person is not enough for a disconcertingly horrid need to feel powerful, superior, in control; dominating over everyone and everything in their lives.

There were x-girlfriends in the wings; monitored, contacted, moments of intimacy.

All this, despite and because, one woman was not enough to fill an ever-widening, growing black hole of perversity. Like the Universe we are a part of, it is ever expanding.

Rage...anger...all pointing to inevitable steps to healing...

We do not run out and strike back, we do not confront to see justice done, for we are hanging on to our sanity at all costs and with much work.

To do so would mean an end to logical thinking.

This dear treasures is what they lack in a grand and frightening way...if we were to act as they do, just for a day, if we were to lose all control and regulation over our emotions, the monster would no longer be standing...he would be meeting his mighty Maker, the ultimate Judge of actions culminated over near half a century, and a feeling that all would not be going well.

“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God." Romans 14:10

"For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be repaid for what has been done in the body, whether good or evil" 11 Corinthians 5:10

Justice...it will be done.