If You Think...

...it can't happen to you...if you think you'd be smarter, better, would slay that misogyny, defeat and debilitate the narcissism, nip the abuse, the torture, the mind f*ckery in the bud, rise above the jibes, the jabs, the juxtaposition of the push/pull of alternating silent treatment, verbal takedowns and affection/love....oh my friends, think again. Please.

Think again, reflect and find within yourselves the answer to this way of thinking...

It demeans the survivor...

It destroys the little confidence and hope the victim has left, is clinging to the edge of the cliff with and upon hearing 'I'd never let someone do that to me,' lets go and takes the final fall, the final plunge into the abyss.

Truth...speaking truth with some fervour this morning.

I have had every variety of response...from trained workers (safe house) to trained professionals...each moment is taken as a 'teaching' opportunity but dear friends, it can be so incredibly tiring; so exhausting to see the expressions, to hear the impassioned words that cut like a knife.

It elevates the speaker while drowing the victim/survivor in guilt, in shame, in blame they already hold close to the chest...the freaking poisonous thought, no...BELIEF that they somehow were the catalyst that catapulted the abuser into abusing, into torturing, into betraying...something wrong with them.

I would sit among a group of varieties, of differing stories...one thing they, we, shared...a look of defiance on a face tormented by lies, a look of determination to change their lives while living with the weight of despair, of sorrow lying heavy upon shoulders.

I had a call two days ago from my daughter with some incredibly sad news...it is not my story to tell but suffice it to say that the enemy was at work, another woman let down by the justice sytem...another woman struggling to 'move on,' to 'get on with her life,' and leave the past behind.

Dear hearts, it is not so easy to do so. Today I speak to friends, to family, to co-workers, to the trained professional...watch your words...watch your actions...everything within me wants to speak in all caps for this next thought...

That past you're speaking of? That torturous beast that maimed, tormented, betrayed, beat, pushed, degraded, sexually abused? That evil is not in the habit of being 'left behind.'

They stalk...they watch...they anticipate their moment, they play on the police force, the PO's, the counsellors until a blind eye is turned and the survivor in question becomes the final, ultimate victim. Dead...gone...

Please hear my heart this morning...this news came too close to home...I have been privy to information on many a case involving victims of abuse meeting their final end at the hands of their former supposed loved one. Restraining Orders...oh god...please....when you hear people state 'it's not worth the paper its printed on,' they aren't lying.

I would not cause fear among the lost ones, amongst the survivors carving out a new life each day...not every victim lives in fear of their lives...for those who do, living a life of freedom from fear comes at a price. We know that each day we are free we run the risk of seeing them in our rearview, coming to pay a final visit. It is worth every second....truth...always....

So...if you think it couldn't happen to you...perhaps you're right...however, I have spoken to many strong, confident career women...bright women, intelligent, strong, with clearly defined boundaries...I have seen the breakdown, the slow but insidious debridement of their self-assurance. Think again and speak kindly, wisely...there but for the grace of God go I....

A beautiful, brilliant, confident woman is gone...each and every day....

'According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, on average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day. In 70 – 80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.'

It is so far past time to take a stand on abuse, domestic and otherwise. It is time to shine a spotlight on each monster, each evil doer hiding behind closed doors.

My prayer today is for family, for my children once again.

My prayer is for awareness, for a true understanding of the trauma being committed each moment next door, down the street, upstairs on the main floor of the house you live in, in the truck driving next to you...and the question of what we would, will do if we see, witness abuse. Sit in judgement? Or provide a safe place?

God go with you today and each day forward...in grace, in mercy, in kindness and compassion.