Imagine...

Imagine beginning life as a child, with such tight constraints you hardly dare to turn one way or the other.

Imagine living life among a family of moody, angry outbursts, many targeted at your small frame and young mind.

Imagine children growing through years of believing no matter what choice they endeavour to make, it is wrong.

Imagine the adult man or woman who lives in such constant hyper-vigilance they fall into place with little but a gesture, or word.

Now...imagine that same adult fighting for air within a space so enclosed, a jail so real it may as well have steel bars in place.

Each day the war is fought for peace, wherever it can be found.

Each day battles are avoided at all cost to prevent bloodshed, be it physical, mental or emotional.

Confidence rises within work that feels right, that feels good...only to be torn down at every turn as incompetence or failure.

Tell me my friends, do you know someone like this?

Do you understand their willingness to step back and share the light?

Do you understand their willingness to go with the flow?

Tell me my friends, after countless battles frought with danger and evil showing its soulless smiling face, do you believe a soldier to be damaged? No longer any good? Beneath you?

Or...does one thank them for their service to God and Country?

Do you berate them for failures, for missing that shot or retreating against overwhelming odds?

Or... do you sit in wonder at the bravery and courage of men and women who step voluntarily onto the battlefield?

Oh, I imagine for some its a stretch to believe that those who suffer at the hands of loved ones is anywhere near the same.

You wouldn't be completely in error to think so...however, the need to help, to fight for the one doing the damage as you fight against them, to believe in better, to believe in more, and the absolute grind of stepping foot once again on a battlefield strewn with landmines and mortar shells takes courage, takes resiliency.

The courage, the strength necessary to get through each day is a testament to war...

The ability to continue on with grace, with dignity, with love, is a testament to inner resiliency.

Imagine a world graced with understanding of what exactly Abuse, Assault, Rape is and is met with harsh penalties; victims met with compassion, with complete and utter kindness.

Imagine a world where each group of the Justice System validates, investigates and penalizes without impunity.

Imagine a life for women without fear...

Imagine a life for women filled with safety...

No more Bear vs. Men...

No meaning NO, in no uncertain terms....

Imagine if you would, just for a moment, the gut-wrenching fear of losing control, being wholly helpless, and watching as your body is used for power, for control, for their vile pleasure.

Now step slightly past those events and sit down with said victim and begin the 'questioning' that happens at ANY level within the RCMP after such an event.

Let us go through a few of those shall we?

'Did you say NO?'

'What did you do?'

'What did you say?'

'Why didn't you fight back?'

I could continue but I fear my own response; anger, disbelief and pure, unadulterated shock at the questions put forth in my own case against the monster masquerading as a man.

Imagine...just imagine taking that child grown into womanhood; with a history of abuse, of neglect, of abandonment, and rage born of injustices, stepping out of a moment of cruel usage into the 'safety' of the presence of police, only to find they are more afraid of the monster than I.

More careful of his rage and what he may do, than pursuing justice.

Imagine the frustration, the struggle against belief that perhaps they were all right.

From parents, to siblings, to husband, to two subsequent partners, to RCMP, to Victim Services, and finally to the Prosecution themselves....a barrage of misinformation and falling far short of educated Trauma responses.

Imagine having to teach, to translate law, to fight against apathy and outright statements of 'we don't want to provoke him,' all while battling putrid internal dialogue; set on repeat, specially narrated by the voice of the monster left behind.

This is 100% every woman i've talked to...

Before one begins to assume that every woman living in an abusive situation must be without boundaries or holding to standards, think again.

Career women...confident women...independent women...

I have yet to meet a woman who struggled in society, homeless and shooting up whatever drug is available, or turning tricks to make money. (no judgement here my friends).

THOSE ARE NOT THE AVERAGE VICTIM.

Not even close dear friends...misinformation, fake news, myths all created by those who wish to continue in their own behaviours, or believe in giving every criminally insane perpetrator a fighting chance.

Imagine....being THAT person and listening to well-meaning, yet cruel words of:

'just get over it.'

'just move on with your life.'

'what happened? Did you....'

All directed at victims/survivors with Mental injuries so grievous, so insanely evil it is now a part of their psyche.

Imprinted Trauma...

It lays upon mind and heart and jumps at every little sound, cross word, angry speech, loud noises. But oh yes, Let's leave it behind.

Imagine a world where truth matters, where victims and survivors are celebrated rather than ostracized and judged without measure.

Now, go back to that child and embrace her/him and tell her/him life will never be the same but we will make it. Love and forgive the shame, the untold stories filtering quietly into the background.

Dear lost ones...it's not your fault, nor your responsibilty...their actions should lay where they belong, at the feet of the abuser. It is theirs to hold, the monster living large in your life and in your mind and heart.

The only way to safety is out, the only way to peace, joy, kindness and compassion is OUT.

I pray today for your exit...for your release from a prison without bars...

I pray today for strength and courage in every step you take...

But most of all I pray for your heart and mind, that the lies being told will drop to the ground...

I pray you see yourself for who you are...worthy, saveable, loveable, accepted.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Loved always and without reservation or doubt.