In Our Lifetime...

I see so often a decline, a slow lowering into the grave, a dipping of a toe into deep waters of that good night; of the elderly and young alike when faced with loneliness...when faced with living alone in the midst of others like them. Living in a home with no goals, no dreams, just the same bland sustenance day after day...cigarettes denied them, rich food removed from menus, fun drained away, blown away to cartwheel into a windy day, out and gone.

The brain slows to a crawl and begins a death-by-boredom spiral into the abyss.

Oh my friends...the lost one, the victim living each day in a moving sludge of momentum fueled by rage, by demand, by coercion and control, begins a slow measured death of self.

A loss of individual, independent thinking as each decision, each thought is mocked, denied, laughed at and ground under the boot heel of a monster of epic proportions.

Space cadet...can't think for yourself...what is wrong with you....can't do anything right...useless...can't do anything without me...what are you DOING...

Pushed, mocked, pulled, spit at, yanked, laughed at....peppered with lightning quick responses and reinforced with physical cues of lightning fast fists...the brain shuts down, oh does it shut down while firing on all cylinders for survival; the thinking part of the mind strays, kicks over, jump starts into pure, basic, animal instinct on how to withstand the storm breaking overhead.

You see the dichotomy here...the absolute mind-f*ck of control and manipulative tactics bent on molding the victim to their specifications...all the while hating them, despising them for bowing, for kowtowing to their stringent demands. It is a war never to be won.

When I determined to never be that scatterbrained again, ever...I fought through brain fog, through a sluggish mind made so by fear and disgust, then out the other side to heavily veiled sarcasm and large words beyond his understanding. And hated myself for it...for debasing myself that way...yet the self-disgust was notches, miles, eons away from the loathing I felt when unable to think clearly. Self-defense verbal gymnastics he couldn't follow was a prime rebel yell from the cheap seats....from the time the determination was made to never feel that clouded, that foggy ever again, each moment was taken and narrowed down to whatever messed up subject at hand was in discourse....narrowed focus whilst feeling the hungover-fogged-up brain, climbing through masses of thorns while dodging bullets I found my footing...I found God's hand and held on tight...fraught with terror and pelting hail flying from the mouth of the beast, clarity was hard won....once won though dear hearts, it never leaves.

It is a sad state of affairs but that is survival. Finding a way to deal, to dodge, to overcome, to remain safe and sane...all while in a room with the monster that lives beneath, within the person you love, hiding in the dark waiting for the penultimate moment to spring.

And you think you aren't capable...aren't able...too dumb, too slow, too nothing....

You do the equivalent of years and years of mental warfare, of battle on a playing field heavily favoured on the side of the enemy. He waits at the gates, hides in the filth, rolls in it, plays patty-cake with the devil...until you are sufficiently worn down, and they pounce. And again...and again....not letting you sleep, rest, recuperate...oh no, this is the real deal people...torture waits for no woman/man.

A snapshot of a day in the life of a lost one....now, can you imagine telling that woman or man to 'just get over it?' Now can you see yourself judging the victim for not leaving?

Where would they go? They are nothing, no one, invisible, unwanted, undesired...

These are just the tip of the liars almanac iceberg...these are just quick flashes of a 'minute' in the life of lost ones. Live in their world for a day...then walk away different, more empathetic, truly understanding of human misery and evil perpetuated at the hands of someone who smiles at others, occasionally helps someone to feel powerful and necessary, then walks in the door, casts off that mask and dons the real deal.

Dear treasures...you are capable of whatever you put your mind to....I know this to be true...it's a battle, but it's a battle fought for your peace, for your healing, for your own self.

Not a battle fought to stay safe, to constantly fight to be more, to be worthy of love from someone who will never see your worth, only what they can take from you.

It's a harsh, cold thing...in a cold, harsh environment. Truth dear hearts...truth always.

Come in from the cold and warm your hands, your heart, your spirit at the fire of freedom and peace. Life awaits you...life without purposeful pain inflicted, without flying monkeys slapping, hitting, pummelling, molding you into something you were never meant to be...

...a slave....

You are a child of God...made to live, love and have your being....not created to beg, fight, strive for love, for acceptance....oh no, never that dear friends. Look and see what good and wonderful things God has for you, and see, truly see your way clear from a mess, from chaos you did not create nor ask for.

Go with God today and each day forward...walking in grace and mercy, in loving kindnesses and compassion. You are loved dear friends...loved as you are, wherever you are. Loved.

You will see the promised land in this lifetime...a land and people filled with love and mercy, free from fear and torment.