Intimidation....

Where to start this day, this cold morning....I am beginning to remember who I am and have always been...some good, some bad...but at the root my friends, I am fierce...born into a family of fighters...in true Gen X style, I hit the ground running with the aid of three older brothers. It was fight or get run over...I've been told by my older brothers that I was a pain in the ass... a mouthy lil scrapper.... a pain in the veritable buttocks, constantly. I wanted to be like them...I loved them as fiercely as I fought them, and would have given all I had if they needed it. And often they did...but not in the way I imagined...

Pushing Kelly's homemade go-cart up and down the street until he worked out the kinks in the motor...

Doing Kevin's chores so he wouldn't tell on me...

Taking the beats for the kittens being let out of the box by one of them...

Watching with my small face pressed to the giant picture window as my two oldest fought it out, establishing that, indeed, despite being smaller in stature...Craig was the oldest and toughest...and keeping the fight a secret....

Jumping from the hayloft at six years of age because all three of them did....

Inviting the girls over that they liked....seriously....

At the age of 14, taking over the cooking of dinner five days a week.....

I look back at the training ground that was my childhood, at the examples set by the honourable character of the three, at the hard working ethics, at the way they treated those around them...with respect and kindness, but with a firm grasp on boundaries and self-respect....with no need for bragging or boasting, no...they knew who and what they were and continued to set their feet to improving and learning and growing.

Oh...yes, there were moments...many...many moments that brought tears of frustration, anger and fear and yet, underneath all of those emotions was the knowledge that we were a family and as I grew into a teenager and young adult they showed up in the best way possible. They protected...they watched....they worried...silent waters run deep....

I may not have always seen what went on behind the scenes or within their own minds but I knew deep down if I was hurt in some way they would stand for me...

Today as an adult who has seen evil...felt it...experienced it...I go back to that young woman, I go back to that fierce creature, I go back to the individual who would not stand for bullying in any form....friend or stranger, I had a deep well of loathing for the degradation and devaluing, of mean spirited behaviour.

I forgot somewhere that to stand for myself should be part of that deep well.

I forgot somewhere that I am worth the fight...

Today, dear hearts....I feel an awakening...I feel a small spark of that fierce little girl who would stand before her older brother of five and a half years....bigger, stronger, scarier...I would stand before him and fight for me, for Kevin (brother 18 months older), for my mom....with no fear, only purpose....

That teenager that stood before an adult of 11 years my senior and built like a Mac truck and took him to task for harassing and bullying my friend, threatening to beat him if he didn't stop...that Mac truck confessed later that he was scared of this part of a young girl he had known for a few years but had never seen...fierce....

Hear my heart, dear friends...I speak of these moments to remind you and to remind me of the courage of your young heart....

to remind you of the person you were before being beat down...

to remind you of the ferocity of spirit before the abuse....

to remind you of the heart of a warrior still beating within your chest....

You are worthy of that warrior spirit...you are worthy of defence, of being stood for, of telling your story, of healing and reclaiming the strength you do not see quite yet....

You made it through the fires of Hell....

You walked a path that would have felled many....

Oh I know, it sounds like a lofty statement....only you truly know the depths you descended with the monster, with the abuser....and yet...here you stand.

A bit wobbly perhaps, not quite steady on your new legs of freedom....

but....you stand....

I will continue... I will stand and fight against the tyranny, against the bullying nature of the man I loved....I may fall down, trip and stumble, but stand I will...fists clenched, teeth gritted, jaw hard and strong....

I will nurse and nurture that fighting spirit.... I would encourage you to do the same....

You are worthy of so much more....

Stand tall... speak softly...and carry a gigantic stick....

Watch us speak with grace and dignity and a mightiness of purpose...

Watch us take down the cowardly, the bully....

Watch us stand against abuse of any kind....

God go with you, strengthen you round about with His angels, with His mighty hand.

'For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.'

Take a stand with me dear survivors and friends, family...stand against the works of the enemy...speak your peace, speak your truth....