Joy Comes....

'Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning'. psalms 35:1

The battle continues...battling fear, anxiety, sorrow, an aching loss of something never real....never.

Like a substantial ghost, they ride in and sweep you up in their maelstrom of emotion and joy....akin to the high from a serious narcotic, it cannot last...will never last...until from one moment to the next you come crashing down....your world as you know it, flips....

The script changes... the dialogue becomes littered with contemptuous, damaging words until you spin in place, looking about for the director to yell cut!!

The ability to speak life to yourself comes in dribs and drabs....you see my friends, it takes time for that small child within to trust...to trust the adult self, the one in control of all that blows in, beset round about with love or hate...we choose. Oh, there are many, many times we have no control over the actions and words of others, only our responses...only our actions.

With time that inner woman/child huddling in the corner, hands covering in protection and pain...begins to peek out between the fingers, seeking peace...seeking love and kindness and hope....that still small voice speaking once more, whispering in low tones, the desire to live once more....hoping for love once more....

This morning amidst the gut levelling anxiety...a single beam, a lone ray of sunshine lit the darkness within....lighting upon that figure, and like the sun after the rain I lift my face to that warmth, letting it wash over me and chase the darkness back into the corners.

For the first time in so long I felt a loosening of the ties that bind....a loosening of the chains that have bound me hand and foot.

I know that much remains....I urge you to understand dear friends, the survivor of abuse will always, always, always know that the complete darkness created by the abuser, by the monster in their lives will cling, dig in and hold on as long as it possibly can. Your role, if you choose to step into it, is only to encourage...is only to love and extend a hand of kindness and compassion.

Until....until the light conquers that black pit in its entirety.

'From the beginning, light has always dispelled darkness. Every child with a flashlight knows weak batteries always win over the deepest darkness.' Genesis 1

That light, with time...with love...will shine into every dark corner, dispelling even the blackest of thoughts. This morning after speaking to the fear, after speaking truth in the wee, gloomy hours of morning, I felt a lifting of the weight that rides upon my shoulders....a lifting of the sorrow that resides within my heart...a lessening, if you will, of the mass and mess of thought within my mind...

My heart weeps in thankfulness....oh the weight that these women/men carry, the survivors of unimaginable cruelties....

Imagine if you will, Atlas carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders as he tarries and toils holding heaven and earth apart....keeping the heavens from coming down and crushing the earth and all its inhabitants....

It sounds melodramatic and yet....and yet.

The crushing weight of mind-f*ckery...the utterly rooted evil of words spoken over you that stain your mind, that create a darkness unlike any other.....oh yes, it is dramatic indeed.

This is where the kindness of others, the love of family, the compassion of friends....shines a light into that deep well of night laying upon the landscape of their minds, their hearts, their spirits....

You, my friends....you are the balance....

You are the light in the darkness that calls them back...

It is not an over exaggeration to say that every victim clings tightly to every word....holds tightly to love freely given.....

I will never ever forget, what may seem trivial to you, the smallest of kindnesses....a soft word, a tender touch, the humour that sends peals of joy and laughter winging its way to the worst of the despair.....

You...you lighten the load...and I thank each and everyone who has wittingly, and unwittingly been the impetus to continue...to not give up the fight.

God bless you this day....may He set His face to shine upon you and all you do....may you know joy unceasing....

Do not give up on hope....do not give up the fight....you are worthy of all that is lovely and good.

Speak softly....carry a big stick....

Speak your truth.. ..walk it, talk it out....this is your time....

Stay safe dear survivors....