Lies, Losers, Lamenting...

I sit this morning watching the sun rise in the East across fields of frosty fallow firmament...I sit and contemplate smoke and mirrors, master illusionists of delusion and deception and find myself once more thanking God for my place in this world...no longer wondering when the hammer will fall that day...no longer seeking approval from an ever shifting megalomaniac creating machiavellian scenarios meant to silence, stifle and secure obedience.

Tears flow in gratitude for peace...and oh it is priceless in its beauty, in its finality...the nail in the coffin of former things that brought strife, chaos and overwhelming freeze-in-your-tracks fear...I think on the current supply slowly being demeaned, degraded, down-trodden, followed closely by survivor guilt...it is not I in that place where plans are constantly made to control, to manipulate, to subjugate and I rejoice, I sing, I dance with joy...

I pray for that stranger occupying space alongside a charlatan hiding the evil beneath smirks, false smiles and momentary laughter...soon to morph into tears, into new fears, into torture and rages...I would not wish this on anyone, enemy or otherwise...debilitating unhinged behaviours netting the monster his catch of the month, there for his pleasure only.

As I clamber, climb, ascend from the pit of perilous premeditated actions/reactions, as one lost in the wilderness I look upon the beauty of the land surrounding me, of the glorious love standing with me, beside me...we are held in arms of a love that never ends my friends...never falters nor fails us...is never flummoxed by our choices on this path we call life...we are known and loved, cherished and accepted.

I stand today in grace...in mercy...in loving kindness...for others, but most importantly dear treasures, for myself. I slowly forgive myself for decisions made, not for the abuses, no...not for being in the wrong place, wrong time, no...not for choosing to love, forgive, enfold with grace, no...for ignoring the shouts from within warning of duplicity, of deceit, of evil.

For pushing down my own needs, wants, must haves within a relationship...

Oh it is a hard thing we do, is it not my friends? We must forgive ourselves...love ourselves for where we are and continue on the path to growth, to healing, to this adventure waiting to happen each and every day.

We walk the path and let drop those things that do not bring hope, joy, love and laughter.

We run the race not to win, but to reach the end a better woman, a better man than when placed here to live amongst others striving to do the same.

It is those who look for hurt, for pain, for the bringing down of hearts and spirits that live among us we must guard against. We do not owe explanations for why...i speak now to educate, to correct and move on with all alacrity to those who seek to do good not evil.

The losers who walk the world, (yes we can call them that for they are losers at life, at humanity...and more, they revel in it, bathe in it) seek our destruction, seek to trip up, create worry and concern, seek to control. Losers... at life, at parenting, at basic kindness, at grace and mercy....every bit of life is looked upon as game, set and match...going for the win each time. If they feel they've lost control, (you escaped out the door before they were finished with their hurtful games), luring you back into the cage with false promises, with fake remorse, with treacherous, traitorous thought is most important...they must win at all costs.

It is something not spoken of often...this need to win, this need to be the game changer, final game winner of might and power.

Each time you return to the lions den, each time requires more of your heart, your spirit, your soul...say goodbye to personality, to confidence...say hello to imbedded insecurity, fulminous fear, torturous treatment and sorrow to drown an ocean.

Each time dear lost ones...each time becomes the weight of a mighty mountain bearing down upon until you are one with the dirt previously underfoot...ground down into a fine powder, sifted and sorted and scattered to the four winds until one minute, one hour, one day you seek the woman within and find she is lost, never to return.

This...oh my friends, hear my heart...THIS is what keeps the invisible bars in place...think Fort Knox on steroids. Beaten down until all you know is your master, your warden and without him guiding, leading you are lost.

Yes...all lies...lie upon lie, deceit upon deceit...

I have lived so very much in my lifetime, before the monster...yet it was as if it never happened, as though I slept and awoke in a different world, a parallel existence with no prior personage only what is known in the here, in the now. The whole world narrows down to that small town smokeshow, that big city asshole, that farming phenomenon with evil hidden in his heart...wherever, whoever, however.... from priest to parishioner, from pastor to deacon, from doctor to patient...it exists, it happens far, far, far too often.

We stand or we fall....let us stand together my friends...let us walk and speak truth where our feet tread...let us unite, hand in hand and put an end to domestic abuse, to trafficking, to the torture and horrific acts that if re-enacted in your safe living rooms and kitchens full of laughter and love, you would surely stand in horror, in fright, and hopefully in the gap for that beaten down, trodden upon woman, child or man.

May God bless your day with truth, with intuition, with strength and courage to face yet another day of cruelty...fly free dear treasures, spread those wings and fly free to a land of plenty; plenty of peace, plenty of love, hope, joy and grace.

This is your lot...kindnesses galore, continuity of compassion, words of love meeting actions..

This is for you, for each one.

May you know the love of a Father who never leaves, never forsakes...never alone my friends.