life catches me....

...commemorating....the leaps and bounds of growth, of knowledge, of confidence and strength...alone and alive and ok...dear God, it's me...still here...treading upon this earth, sights set on the horizon while living in the present...each moment a victory...each new skill a triumph over fear...I step Into joy more and more every hour...

I stutter, splutter, stumble and flounder some days....I turn and see... waves of memory across the skyscape of my mind...and I grieve...and I tremble at the closeness of obliteration, a consequence of returning to someone who had no true interest in me...rather the games orchestrated...hands rubbed together in glee... titillated over the tears, the fears and the woes on the face of his tool, his victim, his plaything...until boredom sets in and a new is searched for, or perhaps the old in a game of conquering the greatest odds.

Those are some of my thoughts, and the more it is thought of and held on to, the tougher It becomes to lay it where it belongs...at the bottom of the trash barrel...buried 6 feet under with a grave header bearing the words...

'here lays love, forgiveness and memories of terror, never more to return.'

I slowly bring my attention around to what's important...my spirit, my heart and the healing that is progressing beyond my best hopes and thoughts....my family, friends, co-workers...finding joy in the smallest of moments...I could not hope to list them all here, but they sustain me...they give my feet wings, a new way of walking...

I watched that come back...felt it returning slowly but surely...

Shoulders back, head up....longer strides...God's grace evident in every step...every dance...every scissor kick in the cold water....the coolness of the breeze on wet skin in hot weather...

...you see dear hearts...this light at the end of the tunnel is no ordinary light...it is the brightest of summers day all rolled into one...it is the warmth of a fire on a cold night...

it breathes and exhales all the negative...exhales all the grief and sorrow... breathes and exhales ties that bind to that old life....this is what you have to look forward to...the weight of all you have endured lifting from your shoulders...from the depths of your mind, your heart, your spirit...lifting and flying on the wings of angels to the furthest reaches of the universe.

I believe this for you...I pray for your comfort, for wisdom and knowledge...for your exodus from hell....God go with you every day...every minute of the day, keeping you safe.