Like Home...

It felt like home...like my soul had finally found its home.....

Trauma bonding...mind-fuckery...whatever you wish to call it, there is something in them that calls to your very soul...and you feel found, seen, loved.

The pain of the break is thinking that perhaps they found their home in you too, that something within you called as strongly as theirs did to you.

Perhaps I will one day change my thoughts on this but I truly believe that they do find that place of hope, of peace, of love.

Safety....acceptance...Love...

The difference is this...where we found a home in their soul and invited them in to ours...they kicked that feeling of peace and contentment to the curb, barred and locked the doors and hung out a sign....'no welcome here.'

We ignore the dismissal, the rejection and try again and again and again, for that glimpse of home, of peace....of a place like no other until the burden of proof piles up so high that you are forced to accept the heartache, the pain of rejection and ejection from a place you thought and hoped and believed was real.

Vulnerability is the enemy...Love a path full of landmines and probable heartache.

Lonely and alone, they alternately push you away and pull you close...chaotic misery.

You weren't wrong to love my friends...it is never wrong to give love...it is a gift to be treasured. The wrong is continuing to love someone who very clearly rejects that love and refuses to uphold promises.

Actions...mean everything.

Words...nothing.

It is a script they have practiced upon many...you are not the first and will not be the last.

We so badly wish to stand out...to be the one, the only...

We so badly want them to see us as they did in the beginning..to know that within this heart and soul and spirit lies hope for a future...lays a priceless treasure unlike any other.

It sounds preposterous... time reveals this to be true.

Insanity lays within this thought process for someone so steeped in protective measures...so steeped in hurting the one they love and loves them.

The more love you bring, the harder they fight and kick against the pricks...

The love you bring frightens and dislodges their psyche...

you see...they are not used to real love...real respect...true care and attention is as foreign to them as Latin.

And so begins the battle...to control and dominate that which they cannot understand.

And so begins the mission to fill the gaping hole in their unappeasable soul.

Love...forgiveness...compassion...kindness....will never be found in a world full of deceit and exploitation.

They wish for love....but do not know how to process it.

They wish for love...but have no idea what that truly means..

They wish for love...but view it as the enemy...see it as a soldier would view the advancing enemy; with fear, with trembling, and with resolve to conquer, to vanquish.

Our hope, our salvation lies only in finding our way out of the waging of war and into peace...into loving ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of more, worthy of a true love.