Little moments...

Its the little things...they add up, pile up, gather in the corner of the eyes only to spill over and track down the cheeks...they bring joy or sorrow...a smile, a laugh or a moment of anger and frustration. Life takes count my friends...it counts the good you do...it tallies the bad...

It's not the money...it's not fame and fortune...it isn't being recognized or known for the things you do, rather it is what you do in secret.

Secret kindnesses...growing the confidence you walk with...

Secret abuses...eroding the soul and character you live with...

We live or die by the deeds done in the time given us...do not fool yourselves...there is a reckoning at the end...whatever we believe in, whether it's a higher power...a creator...the universe...Allah...Buddha...Jesus Christ and the Holy Trinity...there is a day when we will stand or fall on the life we built...on evil or good...rotten to the core, or a soul full of purity and beauty choosing only love and compassion, grace and mercy.

I have walked a strange path these past days...a part of my past brought to the surface through death, while a subsequent part of my past continues to fade...

One set of memories spanning back to younger years when the world was my oyster and everything in it full of excitement and adventure.

The other set...fading into oblivion...the person involved showcased for who they truly are...and doing a fine job highlighting the finer details of monster-hood all by themselves.

That's the thing dear hearts...step back and you will see them for who they truly are... they bring all the pain, all the chaos and destruction to the table while you bring light, and love and hope and forgiveness.

Dear treasures...the hardest part of what you've gone through, or still going through, is the realization that you have loved someone so small. Wasted precious time on someone so stunted in character...in personality...in mind and body. Their lack is so deep they are forced to copy everyone around them, especially you. They mimic others to fit in...they put on a mask of civility and politeness until it no longer suits their needs. You strive to love...all the while hearing the whisper in the back of your mind that there is no changing, no heartfelt desire to be better, to treat you with respect and gentleness despite knowing right well that they hurt you, betray you, lie to you.

You are worth so much more than the life they have created around you. Self-glorified, grandiose egos placing themselves high above everyone around. You see it...note it...despair over it...knowing full well its spills over onto you when something does not go their way.

Ah my friends...life is good when free from fear and despair...free from the debilitating, crushing dialogue and deliberate actions designed to punish as punitively as possible.

It is a new morning, sipping hot Timmies Coffee in PG with family and letting the warmth of the sun bring life to my bones...allowing the warmth and comfort of spending time with family usher in life to heart and spirit. I have felt the cold finger of death and the grief it brings, have seen the sorrow in my children, family and friends and grieved anew.

Love saves us dear friends....it saves, it guides, it grows with every gesture, every spoken word of comfort...it blankets, it covers, it binds, it forges the bonds together tighter than ever before. Choose love dear hearts...choose love and watch the world change around you little by little, leap by leap until the landscape of your life blossoms to such an extent that the moments that cause us to stumble will land us right in the midst of safety and comfort.

I pray for your continued safety...for the protection of your heart and spirit and body. May God richly bless you with grace, with mercy, with insurmountable strength in whatever season you are experiencing right this minute. May the Peace that passes all understanding keep you firmly planted in this world.

You are worthy...necessary...needed...always.