Loaves and Fishes...

I hardly know how to begin....being without words is akin to being without fuel in the vehicle...it sputters and spits, knocks and pings before coming to a complete and irrevocable halt. It is not often that I am left speechless, with no way to express on paper how I'm feeling. It's a chilly morning here this am...with snow yesterday and sleet style rain greeting my gaze as I stand with my hot coffee in hand, viewing my small part of this world out my window. I decided on a short drive to clear my head...spent nine dollars foolishly and headed back home.

This is where the fishes and loaves story become reality...a miracle sitting in my wallet. I sat in my vehicle observing the quiet stillness this town becomes on the weekend and thought to check the contents of my wallet...I had a budget amount within and have been pulling from it for the past two weeks, perhaps three....

I sat in shock for a moment as counting it twice netted the same result.

As tears begin to track down my face in thankfulness, in awe, in disbelief and overwhelming gratitude I see that the amount has not changed. Fuel, groceries over the past weeks.... the amount I took out of the bank and placed in my wallet is the same.

Miracles do happen....oh I know, the thoughts you may be thinking...that I miscounted, that I didn't realize how much was truly inside....oh no dear hearts, I have been on top of funds like white on rice...I know exactly how much I put in and how much I've spent...

And he asked them, How many loaves have ye? And they said, Seven.

'And he commanded the people to sit down on the ground: and he took the seven loaves, and gave thanks, and brake, and gave to his disciples to set before them; and they did set them before the people.

When I brake the five loaves among five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? They say unto him, Twelve.' Matthew 8.

If that doesn't knock your socks off, I do not know what will.

As if the miracle of making it out alive isn't enough....of retaining sanity in the midst of crazy isn't enough...of strength given amidst pain beyond imagining.

The miracle that stops me in my tracks some days...is life. Death and rebirth...winter moving into spring, if ever so slowly...the gift of animals and the joy they bring, the gift of life in all its forms of sadness and joy, grief and gladness, anger and forgiveness.....the gift of love....freely given...

I do not have much to say today...I am still soaking in all that is good, this mornings miracle...all that has been given to me and the joy I feel in being free to love, to grieve even....to feel.

Dear friends...for so long we have lived in a state of catatonia...of moving through the motions, the turbulence...of living within a bubble of control and torment. To truly know the freedom to feel, to acknowledge and accept myself with all my faults and emotions is a gift beyond compare. Freedom means life....a full life...a lovely life.

There is a way...God made a way for me....He will make a way for you to find what this life holds for you. Your dreams, your hopes....are so important to Him, you are so very integral to this world, to the people within and without your circle. You brighten a day with your smile, you lighten a burden carried with your kindnesses....you matter dear friends.

Go with God today and every day and may you see how very loved you are, may you see the joy you bring. Thank you for hanging on, for not giving in to the despair that fills your heart...for beating back the darkness that creeps, crawls, infiltrates your mind...thank you....dear lost and broken, thank you for standing with us....with all those that know the depths, that know the blight and plight of the tortured, the abandoned and neglected.

There is a way.... speak softly, speak your truth...keep one foot moving in front of the other until one day you look up from your feet upon that path to see freedom stretching out in front of you as far as the eye can see, and beyond. Until one day you look up and see your dreams coming true...your peace and happiness enfolding around you, within you...your spirit mended and stitched together into something more beautiful than it ever was before.

For you see dear hearts....what you have suffered has made you into something bright, into something stronger than tungsten metals....with a heart made of all your hurting, aching parts into something durable, imperishable and capable of a love that staggers the mind.

Go with God today and every day forward...in His grace, in His peace that passes all understanding and in His Love everlasting. You are worthy of all that is good and lovely in this world. Now walk it out, carry a big stick along the way....