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Long Time...

Updated: Sep 21, 2023

Ah my heart, how it fills to overflowing...to bursting...it is a strange organ, created to house every emotion, every feeling...from gratitude for the love flowing like a tide, an ebb and flow of kindness and compassion warming all the cold places... to grief that sits heavy on the ocean floor, sunk to the deepest recesses of the heart and soul.

I watch as my children walk, talk and just do their best to breathe through the pain of loss amid friends we called family rising to the surface and coming in from the outfield to sit with them...offering love and comfort, sharing memories and the impact their father had on them and the further impact of death upon their hearts and minds. It warms me to the core...I cry for loss but I weep for the beauty in this world displayed in those gathered around.

A day off from deployment in the hopes of catching one of the boys coming home did not work out but it created a ripple in the groups fighting the fires. Most teased me for taking a day away but one gentleman from the Yukon stopped as he has done every morning to check in and chat for a moment...he asked the question as to where I had gone...dear hearts, it is beyond me to hide anything anymore...to speak the truth has become a necessity for life. Oh I do my best to live in the wisdom of when to speak and when to hold the truth close to my heart. Yesterday I spoke the simple truth without details...my concern for my children...God knew...He knows our needs my friends, before we do.

With 20 or so vehicles parked at a staging area large enough to house a football field or two, amid giant flakes of snow coming down covering equipment, trucks and people, this gentleman asked if he could give me a hug and like something I would imagine from the Father I was gathered in to the tightest hug I've ever had. Twice...never let it be said that God does things cheaply...such comfort given from someone I have only known for mere days. God given...

Without the need for lengthy explanation or dialogue...just the knowledge and wisdom and kindness to extend a hug of compassion.

I spent the day holding that moment close...a gift from God...

To lighten the load...I returned back to base with paperwork and pictures of fire blasted areas and checked in with two of my usual wildfire people and was asked if I remembered two gentlemen from one of the Wildfire fighting teams....with a bit of questioning and seeking to remember a face out of the many I see everyday it came to me and thinking it was leading to something I missed or a mistake made I sat to go over whatever was needed.

It was not what I was expecting...one gentleman from the two person falling team related that he wanted to take me for dinner. Oh, how I laughed dear treasures...my heart has been buried for so long that if revealed, moth balls would be exposed.

How God loves us...how faithful He is...never alone my friends...these moments are little treasures sent to remind us of what we're worth. Worthy of love, of grace, of joy unspeakable, of peace that passes all understanding....in the midst of the raging storm...

My heart lays heavy in my chest and I thank God for the moments that bring us back from that choppy sea...that rescue us from the edge of oblivion, of grief, of sorrow...

Look for them my friends...they come in all ways...the smile from a stranger, the kind word of affirmation from the young gas attendant you see everyday at the co-op, the hug of a stranger, the invitation to dinner from a stranger....

'Love saves us....' Maya Angelou

It truly does...love is what will get us through...my children coming together in grief and holding each other close...love, grace, mercy and compassion...it fuels and heals.

Go today dear hearts and love with all you have...we have so much to give and so little time.

I would caution you to love carefully...those who have seen trauma, who are living in trauma and torment. Love does not come at your expense for then it is not love at all is it?

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 'Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.'

Go with God today and every day forward may you know your worth, may you know the Love of the Father and find strength and comfort in the arms of the one who created you so beautifully, so wonderfully.

 
 
 

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