Longing...

How I long to live up to the potential God has given me...I long to be worthy of His love, of His pride in His child....and here I sit in wonder...you see my friends, we are loved as we are...trophies or accomplishments are not necessary to earn the love of our Creator. We are loved.

Yes, like parents are proud of children when they achieve and grow in character.

Proud of them for getting up and getting through life's hiccups and full-on tragedies...

However...we love them as they were and are...always.

When I think on God...on whom i've chosen to love, worship, follow...I think of a Father who never gives up, or if you subscribe to the female version, of a mother who nurtures, comforts, loves in every circumstance.

Oddly enough it was this train of thought that led to the next box car line meandering through trees too tall to see the forest...

Living a loser life...

Thoughts centred on the one left behind and a flashback that had captured my attention, momentarily revealing his lack of loyalty and committment once again and 'LOSER' came to mind in an instant.

This was quickly accompanied by a slight twinge at calling anyone a loser and so began a conversation about how I felt God must see the dark damn deeds, as living a loser life.

Not necessarily a loser by nature, but living as one by choice, by action, by deed...each and every one planned out with predictable pre-meditation.

A loser by choice...

A cowardly wizened old man seeking destruction and fear...destined to be alone and miserable even IF he finds someone to be with him and suffer through his moods, rages, cheating ways and iron control over their every action, thought and plan...never satisfied, always searching for validation of his manhood while ironically proving no such thing, rather the opposite...dirty old man living a loser life.

It has a ring to it doesn't it? T-shirts here i come...

And so, the theme continued as I prepared dinner and the moose in my house waited patiently for scraps to fly his way. Speaking out loud....yes occasionally I talk to the dog...

'Max-i-moose, WE are not living a loser life, oh no...we are winners walking a different path, as far as the East is from the West...winners, lovers, kind-hearted, respectful, standing up for ourselves kind-of-life...

Winners my friends...each one a Queen, a King...born to walk a different path...born of pain and sorrow and torment...birthed strength and newness of self.

We face a new world full of sights and sounds, smells and feels, seen as though for the first time. With childlike wonder we gaze upon and across an expanse of water to a small mountainside filled with coniferous trees, untouched by man...we catch sight of a moose emerging from that expanse, carefully picking his way through the bull rushes and water.

Yesterday as I drove back to base with crew intact along with a convoy of wildfire fighters after a day of bucking and piling, I marvelled at hail in June covering the roads and ditches.

I marvelled at where I was, doing work I absolutely love and learning how to take apart and put back together a powersaw after throwing a chain...little things but each building confidence of self and our sense of worth in this world.

The camaraderie, the laughter, the drive on Kluskus FSR a madhouse keeping one on their toes, the violently angry hailstorm (so coined by one of my crew), the rain that preceded and followed, and finally emerging into bright sunlight as we neared Vanderhoof.

The beauty to be seen calms the mind, soothes the spirit...the wind blows through cobwebs of errant thought, wiping clean detritus deep down in the soul...

Find your beauty my friends...take it in...breathe and let out the pain, the grief, the sorrow...

There is something for each one...something that takes your breath away, then gives it back fresh and new...

May God bless your days and nights...with more. More love, more kindnesses, more compassion, more grace...to light your nights and illuminate your days.

Worthy...

Loved...

Needed...

Necessary...

Yes...you. I speak of you...and you...and you...WORTHY of all that is good and loving, free of fear and rage and harm.

Go now in the knowledge that you are loved, as you are. Created wonderfully well. You...