Mama's....

I wonder....I often wonder about my mom....Single for years and determined to stay that way out of fear, out of a misguided or perhaps a misinterpreted verse in the bible regarding marriage. Would her mind have self-destructed with someone in the house to keep her company? Would she have had happiness, contentment and love...if she had conquered her fears, overcome her insecurities?

Did she struggle with making decisions...how did she bear up under the rejection and wounded heart when forgotten by some of her children...the event grama....I've called myself that a few times. Keeping her thoughts hidden in order to mitigate the hurt feelings and not have them compounded by contempt, disdain and impatience.

Keeping the wounded feelings for later in a solitary place to pull out and examine...to cry, to forgive...nursing the wounds until healed and scarred over.

My heart aches mightily some days...for her pain...for her solitude...

She never complained....never asked for help from some very capable sons...

She never asked for sympathy when sick....she struggled with the beginnings of dementia knowing full well what she was walking into and walking out for the near or far future. She had years of practice with other families and the patients under her excellent care.

She gave and gave and gave some more.... some days I think that God took her home because her heart could take no more...

I think of all the time she spent with us as a family...always bringing something with her when she came...always...I lost count of the number of times I told her she didn't need to bring anything, just herself....that's all we needed. My children loved her with all they had...everything about her....I'm proud of that...so proud that her last years were good, full of love and laughter....she had the feel of small arms hugging her close, guiding her to the river to swim, pulling her along to ride on the back of a quad, snowmobile and her favourite... Axels dune buggy...she'd hang on and laugh until she cried and oh...the pride and love that would shine forth from them...

My hope...is to live as she did...to give as she did...to love as she did....

She was a prime example of God's love...selfless and open....never guarded with sign posts marking her boundaries and ideals. No...she humbly loved...loved everyone where they were.

My prayer today is be filled with her courage, her faith, her love and to walk it out with a steadfast heart.

This blog today is for all the mama's out there....stay strong...walk tall and carry a big stick.

You are loved and valued...

You are a wonder to behold...

May God make His Face to shine on you this day and everyday forward, lighting your path...your purpose. God keep you safe....and make a way.