Memory Lane

Whenever I feel like I'm slipping into the 'what if's' I take a trip down Memory Lane and call up the painful memories of abuse.

Oh dear hearts, yes of course it hurts. It gouges deep and rips off scabbed over wounds that have begun to heal. But it is necessary in order to maintain that barrier that protects you from the lies told, from the lies in your head and heart that state; 'he didn't mean it,' (yes he did) or that 'he really loved me,' (no he didn't) or my favourite, 'maybe I am the narcissist.' (no.... YOU'RE not).

I think where we fall into problems is when self blame comes into play.

It's not that we are perfect or make no mistakes in the relationship, and I truly believe that as empaths and compassionate people we know this intrinsically.

Our issue isn't that we think we aren't to blame.... God no.. It's that we take all the blame on.

This must stop if we are to move forward in healing and attain the peace we have been seeking.

Remember who they are.... remember the evil they perpetuated on you while under their roof and under their influence.

Remember the monstrous ways they treated you (or are treating you right this minute). Don't be confused by the brief interludes of peace and most basic of 'normal' human behaviours.

They wear these moments with pride like they're accomplishing something magical and incredible, when in fact this just the 'norm!'

This only confirms our own fears.... I mean how horrible are we that just caring for us like normal human beings is so difficult and comes only once in a while?

Does this make sense to you? Do you SEE how twisted that thinking is? How they manipulate our feelings until we believe that we are so difficult, so unworthy of love that for them just being kind to us is like climbing to Mount Everest or winning an olympic medal?

IT IS ALL A LIE.... all of it.

This is truth..... listen carefully dear hearts....

YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVING OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND WONDERFUL.

The rest is all lies. Oh this is hard to grasp for it rocks the boat that we are barely keeping afloat.

All that is good and wonderful waits on the other side of that fear. Let the boat fail, let the boat sink, or better yet.... jump ship.... step out of that sinking rotting boat of lies.

For truly that boat is fashioned of the lies and deceit they've brainwashed you with.

Go for a swim and feel the freedom of the water enveloping you with its warmth and susurration. The warmth of freedom.

Oh I know, it is frightening. But I encourage you to question why it is frightening. Delve deep dear ones.

Here is what I know to be true when I delved deep.... I had made it on my own before and done well so why now do I doubt my own ability to go out on my own and live once more? The brainwashing, the control, the manipulations, the discards and on and on, all designed to deceive you into believing that you cannot survive without them. Without the monster in your life it will be as a dirigible being released from its anchors holding it to the ground.

You WILL take flight.